An innocent Swedish proverb goes: “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
In all probability, the Swede who penned this wasn’t necessarily thinking about the subtle intricacies of double penetrative sex – something most people know merely as a popular porn category. But the parallels are too glaring to ignore.
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Although most porn videos show two cis men penetrating one cis woman – one vaginally and one anally – that’s only one type of double penetration.
“Double penetration (DP) is an umbrella term for many variants that fall under it,” Pallavi Barnwal, an intimacy coach, told VICE. “The commonly practised variant is where anal and vaginal penetration happen simultaneously, but it could also mean using a finger in addition to a penis in the same or different orifice, or simply eliminating penises to use a double-sided dildo that does the job.”
And so, having a partner or two is not necessarily a prerequisite for you to experience the sublime pleasures of double penetration. Even wearing a ball gag while getting fisted or penetrated in any of the orifices would count as double penetration.
The orifice options aren’t that severely restricted either; even the mouth can act as one of the orifices in the judgement-free world of DP.
But what explains the modern world’s interest in double penetration? For starters, the chances of experiencing a prostate orgasm dramatically increase with almost any variant of DP. “Even straight men can experience a prostate orgasm,” said Barnwal. “The idea that only gay men can truly experience it is inherently homophobic.”
For others, like 28-year-old Amina who practises DP by using a double-ended dildo that stimulates both her anus and vagina, it’s the idea of “sexual independence” that makes every other experience pale in comparison.
“It’s not as simple as not wanting men,” she told VICE. “I have a healthy sexual relationship with my boyfriend. But the absolute sense of control that a double-ended dildo can give me is unparalleled, and my boyfriend acknowledges as much.”
Looking to convert this fantasy into real life, too? We spoke with DP fetishists to put together a step-by-step guide. Their names have been changed because they were uncomfortable telling the world about what gets them off.
Before You Get Into It
**Be Completely Transparent
**Intimacy coach Barnwal believes that when your idea of DP involves more than just you, your hands and your toys, the first step is to have an open, honest communication about what you want, and how you want to get there. Make sure that no one involved in the act feels like they’re being manipulated into doing something they’re uncomfortable with, and that they’re prepared or, at the very least, willing to experiment alongside you.
**Get yourself tested
**According to Kanchan, a 28-year-old banker, if your idea of double penetration is its most common and literal understanding of the term involving a second man with a penis, then there are three words that will hold you in good stead: testing, testing, and more testing. If one or more people in this experiment are not your usual sexual partners, get yourself and them tested for STIs. When more than one partner is involved, the risk of infections dramatically increases.
**Start Small
**Starting with smaller sex toys like a clitoral vibrator or a single-speed egg is the mantra that is to be followed across the board, regardless of your past experiences with a variety of penises and toys. Nidhi, a 32-year-old content writer, made the carnal mistake of allowing her partner to use a butt plug on her in the first anal penetration they were experimenting with as part of their DP. What followed was two weeks of nursing several micro tears caused by insufficient lubrication.
**Lube it Up
**To avoid a fate like Nidhi’s, stock up on loads of water-based lubes. Silicone-based lubes work for longer sessions as they don’t make you feel the friction all too easily. “Just to make everyone’s lives easier, when it involves more than two penises, apply lube once again immediately after the penetration,” suggested Amina.
When You Get Into It
Get Innovative
What is supremely comfortable for you may not necessarily work all that well for someone else in the trifecta of pleasure. This is where having a clear conversation about your body and its mobility helps. With her clients, Barnwal has found that the elevated missionary position – where a pillow or two are placed under the hips to elevate them – has shown positive results. This allows easy access to all the penises or toys involved without anyone getting in the way, and the receiver’s body is also quite relaxed. For vaginal-anal DP (rather than vaginal-oral or anal-oral), a commonly-suggested one is to have one penetrator lie prone; have the receiver straddle them, cowgirl-style; and then have the other partner penetrate the receiver, doggy-style. Discuss all the bodily niggles you deal with, and work with your partners to figure positions that can work for both.
Avoid Shower Sex Mohit, a 24-year-old musician, believes that as sexy a shower sesh might seem, it also opens up a world of little tragedies that can turn into big disasters. You can lose your balance, the water can wash away the lube, and it can just get confusing to figure out what can go where. “And then the heat of the shower can start suffocating all the parties involved, particularly during harsh winters when the water heater is in full blast,” he said.
**Go Slow
**“It’s never a good idea to go fast, even if you’ve eased into a position, and even if you’ve done DP with two penises or two objects multiple times before,” Kanchan said. Lengthening the foreplay is not only helpful but also eases any latent tension if more than one person is involved. If you or someone involved has their period, you might want to hold off, too. “The anal lining in a woman’s body can be more susceptible to micro tears and bleeding during periods.”
Always Prioritise Hygiene The sheets must be spotless if the bed is your battlefield. And when it involves more than one person, do not make the mistake of switching across various orifices without changing condoms, as this can give rise to STDs that are transmitted by genital fluids. If a sex toy is making an appearance, like a double-sided dildo, the same rule applies.
**Discuss Safe Words
**Keeping them simple and uncomplicated definitely helps. Mohit told VICE that restricting safe words to just three usually helps. He suggested red to stop, blue to change positions, and yellow to go slow.
Demystify All Things Anal
To say that women are incapable of anal orgasms is a myth. The spasms and sensations that people feel when reaching orgasm or at the time of ejaculation are because of the pudendal nerve along with the pelvic nerve. Barnwal explained that the pudendal nerve located in the anal lining is something that all of us have, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It supplies nerves to the adjoining areas of the scrotum, penis, anus and perineum for men, as well as the clitoris for women. “Everyone has the right to stimulate themselves anally, regardless of your gender or sexuality,” she said.
But this, of course, is only if you’re comfortable with anal sex, something that should be discussed beforehand. As Barnwal put it, “Everyone has an asshole, but we’re all assholes about it.”
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