How to Buy Your Girlfriend a Sex Toy She'll Actually Love

If you’ve been dating your girlfriend for some time, you probably have a good idea of what she keeps in her bedside drawer. Have you noticed a glaring omission between the loose change, phone chargers, and emergency snacks she keeps in there? If so, it’s time to bring it up in conversation: Why, my dear-sweet-perfect lover, don’t you own any sex toys—and would you like to?

Now, your girlfriend deserves mindblowing orgasms on demand, with or without you—this is known. However, if she's been interested in owning a vibrator, dildo, or clit-sucker herself but hasn't snagged one, there could be a number of reasons why. It can be intimidating to go into a sex shop in person, or maybe she spent all her hard-earned Scrooge McDuck coins on chocolate-hazelnut spread and doesn’t have any more “fun funds” at the moment. Whatever the reason is, if she’s comfortable with receiving gifts for the bedroom, a new sex toy could be the perfect addition to her nightstand drawer.

Buying your girlfriend a sex toy requires thoughtfulness and tact. You most importantly want to cater to her needs and respect her boundaries, since you're also showing her that you've been thinking about adding new things to the bedroom—even if they might be used without you. Keep in mind that this is ultimately not about pressure, but about her pleasure. We all know confidence is sexy, and let me tell you: There’s nothing hotter than a boo who prioritizes their partner’s Big O. Because you’re a secure individual, you know that sex toys don’t equate to any sort of inadequacy in your sex life; rather, they represent new, fun ways to play and explore each other’s bodies. 

The gift of a toy also shows your boo that you care about the sex life she has on her own, since masturbation helps us understand our own desires and bodies, relieves stress, and makes us happier people overall. If it's not already obvious from your hopefully fruitful sexual experiences together, ask your partner what she likes—would she prefer something penetrative or non-penetrative? Heavy-duty, or a light touch? Sleek and simple, or loaded with features? This will help put you on the right track, and avoid any bad surprises.

If you’re nervous about buying your lovebug her first toy: Don’t be. This is literally why god put me on earth—to walk you through some of my favorite options and help you choose one (or more) of these orgasm-inducing, beginner-friendly sex toys. 

While you might be inclined to pick up a giant, three-pronged, rotating vibrator because it can do it all, I’m here to tell you to slow your roll. For a first-time vibrator, you want something that’s easy to use, unintimidating, and doesn’t require a complicated instruction booklet. Before adding all the bells and whistles sex toys can offer, try focusing just on the clitoris. The ergonomical Swan Wand Mini does just this, fitting comfortably in the hand with an easy one-button control, allowing the user to increase the speed incrementally to their comfort.

If your partner enjoys internal penetration, you might be tempted to grab the coveted rabbit vibrator. These toys are infamous for good reason: By hitting the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time, these toys are pleasure-maximizing machines. The problem for novice users, though, is that rabbit vibrators are trying to hit two different spots at the same time—two spots that vary significantly in their placement from body to body. Instead of guessing (and hoping) to find a toy that’s going to fit your partner’s anatomy, snag the Pillow Talk Sassy G-Spot Vibrator. This rechargeable, rumbly toy has a simple, intuitive design with a strong curve and large tip for internal pleasure.

If you’ve read some of my other sex articles, you know I am a Hitachi Magic Wand stan. While this toy is—unironically—the love of my life, it isn’t what I would recommend for a first vibrator. The Hitachi does not screw around when it comes to power, but for people whose bodies aren’t used to vibration, the sensation can be way too intense. If you’re looking for an alternative, I recommend the Romp Flip Wand Massager. Rumbly and easy to grip, this multi-speed, wand-style toy is great for solo play, but also shines when put between two bumpin’ bodies. What sets it apart from the Hitachi is its smaller size and varied vibration levels, which are both perfect features for the sex toy novice.

No two bodies are the same, and no two vulvas want the same type of touch. In a world that’s always striving for things to be bigger, better, and stronger, we can forget just how nice a gentle touch can be. If your girlfriend has more sensitive bits and enjoys a lighter touch, introduce her to the Dame Pom Vibrator. This soft, rechargeable toy offers a pinpointed tip and a soft, flexible body that can be pressed against the entire vulva to help her reach Pleasure Town, USA.

When buying your partner her first dildo, resist the urge to snag the biggest toy on the shelf. While larger dildos are many size queens' cups of tea, it probably isn’t the smartest move for a first-time dildo owner. Since your honeyboo is new to toys, unless she specifically asks for things on the bigger side (or smaller side), go for a more medium-sized dildo. The Air And Water Curved Dildo is a perfect, affordable dildo in a pretty package. With beautiful swirling colors that cover soft, durable silicone, this seven-inch dildo features both a suction cup and a spot to add a bullet vibrator.

As a big fan of ass play, I can’t pass up an opportunity to recommend a beginner anal toy. Maybe anal is something you and your significant other have already probed—or maybe it’s just a twinkle in her eye. Either way, the Petite Sensations Plug is a great toy for newbies and seasoned backdoor explorers alike. Playing with your ass alone is a great way to get comfortable with the sensation, and the vibrating aspect of this plug really heightens the experience. The smooth, gradual taper also makes it easy to glide into a happy hole, and the T-shape design fits nicely between the cheeks.

Never underestimate the power of a blindfold! Adding this simple tool into the bedroom can turn a simple, fun fuck-fest into something off the charts—in a good way. If your partner is interested in dipping their toes into bondage, this Enchanted Kit is a great starting point. The soft but durable cuffs and matching blindfold can help get any bondage novice’s erotic imagination going. Not only are sensations heightened during play, but it’s a great way to build trust between you and your boo in the bedroom.

Some folks are new in their sexual journey. We live in an *ahem* pretty sex-negative society, and it’s not surprising that talking about sex, naming our desires, and getting comfortable in our bodies is easier said than done. If you lover has a hard time discussing sex, perhaps a vibrator should your second purchase. The Come As You Are Workbook offers not just the science behind sex, but prompts, journaling, worksheets, and more to get her started on understanding her body, sexuality, and arousal.

Listen: I don’t fuck around when it comes to lube. It’s my biggest recommendation for a good time, and if your girlfriend doesn’t already have some ready to go, then it’s a necessary purchase with any vibrator. A water-based lube, such as Good Clean Love Almost Naked Lube, is compatible with toys and barriers so no one has to second guess before grabbing the bottle. Good Clean Love lube is also aloe-based, making it hydrating and slippery for a guaranteed good time.

TL;DR: Remember, whichever toy you get for your girlfriend won’t be the last! The first sex toy in the bedroom will help her learn what she does (and doesn’t) like—these items are just the beginning of her sex toy journey.