Advertisement
The only way to combat backwards attitudes is with a backwards suit. Rita Ora could have saved herself a lot of trouble if she'd simply turned her entire jacket around, a la Celine Dion's 1999 Academy Awards reverse-business look. (Jaunty hat optional, but recommended.)
Advertisement
"Do you think today we might try a slightly less tight—no, you're absolutely right. This one fits fine. It's great. Really, you're going to leave all those buttons? You don't even want to do up one or two? Fair enough. Of course. Yes, you absolutely could pass for 40, the other wardrobe assistants and I were just saying so. Great to work with you Mr. Cowell, as always."
NB: This does not work particularly well at clubs or bars—the spiritual home of cleavage—but should get you a few minutes of me-time in those mom-friendly cafés around Stoke Newington.
Second in line to the confusingly deep V-neck throne after Cowell, Brand's been freely airing his creamy, fuzzy chest reservoir for years without complaint.DO SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY WEIRD WITH YOUR FACE
No one's going to be writing to the BBC about your tits when you've got a partial Drake lyric tattooed on your forehead, or, you know, teardrops hammered into your face with printer ink. "I got the font too big for all of it, so it just says YOL, but I think it's actually a lot deeper that way," you can tell Matt Baker. He'll get ya.
Take a big ol' PR swing at misogyny by flip-reversing the script on getting your norks out. I feel like someone already got the ball rolling for us with "sweater puppies," but if that's not working consider "modesty spheres," "health orbs," or "a part of my body like any other part of my body, Jesus fucking Christ calm down."BE JUDE LAW
Honestly, what is that guy's deal? Why didn't anyone call the police?Follow Monica on Twitter.