Astro Roast

Identity

Pisces Are Tender Flakes Who Live in Their Feelings

09.19.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Aquarius People Are Unfeeling Aliens Who Won’t Shut Up About Their Ideas

09.12.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Capricorns Are Self-Righteous Wet Blankets Obsessed with Wack ‘Rules’

08.22.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Sagittarius: The Preachy Know-It-All Who’s Optimistic at All the Wrong Times

08.03.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Scorpios Are Sex-Obsessed Instigators Who Live for Drama

07.17.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Libras Are Shameless Flirts Who Have No Idea How Manipulative They Are

06.27.18

By Danny Larkin
Virgos Are Obsessive Nitpickers Easily Overwhelmed by Imperfection

06.12.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Leos Are Attention-Starved Narcissists Who Never Stop Talking About Themselves

05.22.18

By Danny Larkin
Identity

Cancers Are Annoyingly Over-Sensitive Crabs Who Can’t Take Criticism

05.08.18

By Danny Larkin
Geminis Are Liars, Cheats, and Thieves and Everyone Knows It

04.27.18

By Danny Larkin
Taurus Is the Unbearably Stubborn Hedonist of the Zodiac

04.10.18

By Danny Larkin
Aries People Are Insufferable Babies Who Need to Learn to Chill

03.29.18

By Danny Larkin

One email. One story. Every week. Sign up for the VICE newsletter.

By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from VICE Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content.

See All

The Latest

Image: Andriy Onufriyenko

Life

Study Uncovers Promising Treatments for Tourette Syndrome

“These behavioral therapies are really straightforward approaches that patients of all ages can benefit from,” said a co-author of the study.

11.21.24

By Sammi Caramela
Photo: Francesco Prandoni/Getty Images

Devin Townsend Announces 2025 Tour With Tesseract

Devin Townsend will be touring North America next year in support of his new album, PowerNerd.

11.21.24

By Stephen Andrew Galiher
Photo: Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Music

Why Snoop Dogg ‘Chose No Sides’ in the Kendrick Lamar-Drake Beef

Snoop chose not to get involved in the Kendrick Lamar-Drake, beef but does believe that Kendrick’s song “Not Like Us” united “the West.”

11.21.24

By Stephen Andrew Galiher
Photo: Godong/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

Life

‘AI Jesus’ Is Now Taking Confessions at a Church in Switzerland

AI Jesus has logged on.

11.21.24

By Paige Gawley
Photo: Visionhaus

Music

Jay-Z’s Team Roc Sues Kansas Police for Corruption and Abuse Records

Team ROC, a social justice organization run by Jay-Z’s Roc Nation, filed a lawsuit against Kansas City police over alleged corruption and abuse.

11.21.24