Regrets

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  • My Greatest Regret Is Not Making Out with a 500-Pound Woman on a Shitty Talk Show

    My biggest regret, the one that haunts me to this day, the one I think about more than any other, the one that sends me into cold sweats is, “What if I had agreed to appear on that sleazy talk show pretending I dated a 45-year-old 500-pound woman back...

  • Thirstbuckets

    Normally, I like to coin my own crackerisms and slang when it comes to describing indescribable prison behaviors, but I can’t improve on “thirstbucket.” In case you don’t know, that’s ghetto terminology for inmates who have crackhead tendencies...

  • What Kids Say About Regrets

    "I did evil things, but I didn’t learn anything, and I don’t regret them."

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