The new live-action Aladdin movie is hitting theaters soon, complete with DJ Khaled and Will Smith’s horrible Genie, and so, inevitably, we’re getting an Aladdin porn parody, too. Wood Rocket, the company behind such recent cultural touchstones as Game of Bones 2: Winter Came Everywhere and that horrifying LEGO Movie porno, released the SFW trailer for their upcoming XXX Aladdin on Thursday, and it is… well, it’s a lot, even for Wood Rocket.
They really pulled out all the stops for this one. There are musical numbers, many sung by their own weirdly CG’d Genie! There are costumes that definitely didn’t need all that elaborate detailing! There are puns! So, so, so many puns! Just watch:
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Wood Rocket’s porn parodies have generally been pun-heavy in the past (Game of Bones 2 featured Jon Blow fighting off White Wankers because, sure, why not?) but this is a whole new level. The two-minute trailer is crammed full of more jokes per second than a 30 Rock episode, each one more groan-worthy than the last. But the worst of them, by far, is the parody’s title: Aladdick.
Come on, Wood Rocket. Really? You could do better than that. There are so many sex-related Aladdin puns out there, just waiting to be snatched up like a lamp in the Cave of Wonders. You went with that one? Aladdick? Well, in honor of Aladdick and that brain-bleedingly bizarre trailer, we here at VICE have taken it upon ourselves today to gather up ten different options that would’ve made for a better XXX Aladdin title.
Are you ready? Let’s get started.
1. A Hole New World
2. Genie in a Butthole
3. Rub My Lamp
This is low-hanging fruit, but at least it’s a better double-entendre than just capping the word “dick” to the end of Aladdin and calling it good. We’re not asking for a lot here, Wood Rocket.
4. A Lad In
Starring a fully British cast.
5. A Friend Like D
6. The Shave of Wonders
7. Aladdin and the King of D’s
Aladdin and the King of Thieves wasn’t the best Aladdin sequel ever made—that’d be The Return of Jafar, if you must know—but the reference would still go over great with that small but dedicated fanbase who stan both humorous porn and direct-to-video Disney releases. This ones for the true Aladdinheads out there!
8. One Hump Ahead
For the record, this song still slaps:
9. Iago Has Sex with the Monkey in This One
10. I Dream of Creamie
Oof, sorry. This one is just gross. Moving on.
Bonus: Prince All D
You had this one waiting there in your trailer! You came up with it already! It’s a solid pun that shouldn’t be buried as a throwaway joke. Put this one out in front. Lead with Prince All D—it’s at least 15 times stronger than Aladdick. How did you miss this?
You’re welcome in advance, Wood Rocket. Feel free to reach out about any future porn parodies. We’re here to help.
