We Asked Bar Tenders What They Wish They Were Told About Sex

Even if you are a self-professed sex god, when it comes to getting down and dirty between the sheets there is always something new to learn.

“The further you go, the more you realise you don’t know,” says Melody Thomas, author and host of BANG!, a new RNZ podcast about sex, sexuality, and relationships.

Melody got the idea for BANG! from listening to Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast on her bus rides to work, where she says she would turn beetroot-red from head to toe because of what was going into her ears while an innocent old granny sat knitting next to her. After a while, she found herself learning a lot and having great conversations with friends and her partner about sex. She thought that New Zealand could benefit, just like she did, from a podcast that started a healthy conversation around sex.

In episode two of BANG!, which focuses on teenagers, Melody asks a couple of prominent Kiwis what they wish they had been told about sex at that age. Her own response to the question has a lot to do with personal control.

“I think if I could go back in time, I would say, ‘You go girl, don’t worry about how many people you’re hooking up with, that’s all good, go out and explore and see what you like, but figure out what you like and figure out how to communicate that so you maintain control and maintain some power within those interactions. This can be really fun, and really rewarding, but it is something people should be doing together and not something that is being done to you.’”

We decided to take this question to people who, let’s be honest, probably get propositioned quite a bit, and asked some of the bartenders along Auckland’s sexiest strip—K Rd—what they wished they’d been told about sex before they started having it.

Mason, Wine Cellar

“Everyone was pretty upfront, in terms of my parents, very upfront with sex and stuff like that. But maybe I wish I’d been told that it’s not such a big deal, and not to get caught up about it prior to having done it the first time. Obviously in high school it’s a big deal, and it’s actually really not a big deal. I guess that’s pretty much it. It’s a pretty generic answer, I guess.”

Jonty, Thirsty Dog Tavern

“What I wish I’d been told about sex, and I am now 50 years old, and a bar owner on K Road, which used to be the sex strip of Auckland, not that professional sex is necessarily my interest, but what I wish I’d been told about sex is that women are just as horny as guys. And kinky.”

Owen, Peach Pitt

“I wish I had learned to wear protection. All the time. Yeah, that is it.”

Anything else you wish you’d known?
“No, that’s it. Everything else I figured out on the way!”

Lexi, Cotto

“I guess it’s just it doesn’t matter how many times you have it, it doesn’t change who you are as a person and you shouldn’t let people use that as a defining factor about their opinions of you. You should do it as much as you damn well want, whenever you damn well want, and just enjoy it and not let people’s opinions of you affect your thoughts on it.”

Dante, Madame George

“Its way more epic than you’d ever think.”

RNZ’s new sex podcast BANG! is released on iTunes on July 31.

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