Good sex is dependent on a number of factors – attraction, physical compatibility, whether you’ve drunk little enough alcohol to not be a clumsy mess of slobber, etc, etc – but one that can be either a massive squelch-fest-enhancer or a total buzz kill is music. Nobody wants to bump nasties to Radiohead, for example (unless feeling really, really down throughout and eventually crymaxing is your bag), but R&B and slow jams seem to pretty popular. At least, according to the movies and TV shows I’ve seen where people do sex.
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We wanted to find out what the ultimate sexy soundtrack is, so we went and asked some strangers a question: “What’s your favourite music to have sex to?”
Luke, 24: I don’t really have sex to music. I don’t think I ever have done.
Really? Never?
No. But if I did, it’s probably be jazz music because it’s got a good rhythm and that’s important when you’re having sex.
Is jazz your favourite kind of music?
It’s not my favourite, but I like it. The worst music would be techno music. It’s too fast – I don’t like fast sex. Heavy metal would also be a nightmare. Yeah, I’d rather have no music at all.
What about movie soundtracks? You create a bit of suspense.
Oh yeah, maybe Jurassic Park, or something. That could work.
Ryan and Maddy, both 20.
Ryan: Probably Lapalux. Have you ever heard of Lapalux? His music’s really trippy, but at the same time it’s got a real R&B feel to it, you know? With the base sounds and things.
You seem very sure of your answer.
Oh, I am. I’m trying to think what else is really good to listen to. Probably just Lapalux. He’s a really new producer. His music’s really good.
I have a feeling you do PR for Lapalux, or something. What’s the worst music to have sex to?
Dubstep. It’s shit, isn’t it? It’s all like, “Oi oi, look at this!” It’s the most annoying thing. Young people who listen to it when they have sex are like, “Look at me! I’m so adventurous having sex to dubstep sober!” But it wouldn’t be like that at all.
Okay. How about you?
Maddy: I don’t actually like listening to music. I never listen to music.
What song would be the biggest turn off?
Nicki Minaj, or something. Oh no – James Blunt! That would be horrible.
Ryan: Yeah, you don’t want to be getting all emotional and stuff. Urgh.
Mathias, 23: Telepopmusik.
What’s that?
I don’t know.
Alright. Where’s it from?
I heard it when I was in Australia, so maybe it’s from there. It’s really slow and nice. Slow jams are good sex music. You don’t want anything too fast and hectic. Like LMFAO – “I’m Sexy and I Know It” – that would be horrible.
How about having sex to Celine Dion?
No way. I like some French music, though, like Serge Gainsbourg. Some of his music is good, but some of it is kinda creepy. Like the song he did with his daughter. The video’s got her in it in her pants when she’s like 12 years old.
Gross.
Juliette, 30: Something that doesn’t put me off.
What would put you off?
Something really cheesy, like R.Kelly or 50 Cent. R&B is completely out of the question. I don’t mind a bit of cheese sometimes, but I’m not particularly into sex with an ironic soundtrack. Metal is my favourite genre, but it’s a bit too in your face. I want silence, really. And then I’ll listen to music when I’m done.
Zack, 26 (left) and Adam, 27.
Zack: I like having sex to Britney Spears,
What song?
Zack: “Toxic”.
I knew you were gonna say that.
Adam: I’m really common and like having sex to Lana Del Rey. That’s pretty VICE-ey, right?
Zack: Yeah, her new song. How does it go? The one with that line: “My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola.”
Adam: Yeah, I like having sex to that one, too. All of those songs on her new album are good for sex, actually.
What would be the worst music to have sex to?
Zack: Christina Aguilera! Urgh. God, she’s so disgusting. Or that rapper, Kendrick Lamar.
Adam: No, something really cheesy like The Weeknd.
How about death metal?
Zack: That depends. If we’re in a sex dungeon, then maybe. Something like James Blunt would be bloody awful.
Adam: Yeah, if I commit suicide, that’s what I’ll be doing it to.
Previously – What’s Your Most Embarrassing Talent?
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