The late Emily Post didn’t include a section on Grilled Cheese Etiquette in her eponymous guide to manners, but maybe it should be added in the next edition.
Imagine that you’ve just fixed yourself a grilled cheese sandwich but, before you could enjoy it, someone helped herself to a big bite. What would you do? The Patron Saint of Politeness would probably recommend calmly asking her to please stop stealing your lunch. But Daniel Brian Blackwell isn’t Emily Post—and he probably would’ve taken a shot at her, too.
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Blackwell, 55, was arrested on Sunday night after allegedly pulling his gun and firing into his own kitchen, all because of an (also alleged) grilled cheese biter. When Baltimore County police officers were called to his Dundalk, Maryland residence, Blackwell barricaded himself inside. It took officers more than three hours to end the standoff. He was wearing a holster when he surrendered, but was not carrying a weapon—although officers found more than a dozen rifles, revolvers, pistols and shotguns in his home.
“Apparently, the man had made a grilled-cheese sandwich and either the wife or the daughter, we’re not exactly sure who, but somebody, one of the females in the house, took a bite of his sandwich, and apparently, that enraged him to the point that he fired shots in the house,” Cpl. Shawn Vinson told WBAL.
Blackwell was taken into custody and is facing a number of serious charges, including attempted first- and second-degree murder and first- and second-degree assault.
There is something about a grilled cheese sandwich that seems to trigger irrational violence in middle-aged men. In August, 55-year-old James DePaola was arrested for verbally abusing his wife after she put three slices of cheese on his grilled cheese instead of two. (Extra cheese doesn’t seem like a bad thing, but I am not an unhinged man). DePaola admitted that he pulled the phone out of the wall after his wife attempted to call 911.
Guys. GUYS. If something goes wrong with your grilled cheese, try to keep it together. And somebody, please let Emily Post’s people know that we need their help.
