“Alt” has been a super-useful descriptor for 90s teens and MTV programming (again, only in the 90s) so it’s sad to see that the word has been co-opted by the “alt-right” white nationalist movement and the neologism “alternative facts,” coined by Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway. These things are both extremely terrible, so we at Noisey have decreed that anyone who has ever been “alt” is heretofore bad as well. We realize that this includes many beloved artists and bands which have been categorized under the “alternative” umbrella because there’s an alt for everything. This list will include not just alt-rock, but alt-country, alt-rap, alt-metal, alt-folk, and anything else that’s ever been indie. Sorry, but them’s the breaks. So, here’s everyone on the blacklist so far.
Nirvana
Honestly, all the grunge bands, because they all sound like this.
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Jane’s Addiction
Perry Farrell coined the term “alternative nation” so we can include Porno for Pyros in here too.
Wilco
Sleater-Kinney
Leave ’em in the woods.
Garbage
Name says it all.
Blur
Who told these Brits they could mock OUR grunge music?
The Roots
Have kept Jimmy Fallon afloat. Why.
Helmet
The original “alternative metal” band, so out ya go.
Radiohead
The machines already took over, guys. Too late.
Pixies
Did music for Objectivist manifesto Fight Club, responsible for self-serving bros everywhere.
Kid Cudi
Unclear message due to overuse of hums.
Bikini Kill
Riot grrl? Sounds unconstitutional.
Arcade Fire
Canadians are unaware of all things happening outside of Canada.
Queens of the Stone Age
Stone Age! Backwards! Definitely Republican.
Oasis
This band made “Wonderwall” AND “Bittersweet Symphony.” Pick one ballad!
Gorillaz
Alternative rock and alternative rap. Double points on Scrabble.
Sufjan Stevens
A guy so nationalistic he made two albums about boring-ass states.
Stereolab
French? Not in OUR country.
Pavement
Crooked rain, crooked raaaaain. Man, RIP Prince.
Uncle Tupelo 
Isn’t this just Wilco before they were good? Still counts as another band.
Franz Ferdinand
Lots of Soviet-era influence in artwork. May be victims of Russian hacks.
Broken Social Scene
See above on Canadians. Also, too many band members! They’ll take our jobs.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
I love “Smooth Criminal.”
Nine Inch Nails
Imperial measurements, tsk tsk.
Anything we premiere on this website
Because we ourselves are alternative, apparently.
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