Brutal Dating Advice for Millennials, From Gen Z

Dating is hard: No matter your age, there will always be a myriad of sucky moments you’ll need advice on, whether it’s how to escape an awful date or, even worse, how to deal with a date walking out on you.

But getting advice is hard when the dating landscape is constantly changing. From generation to generation there’s different expectations, different dates, even different terms – remember when everyone first heard about ghosting? Nowadays there’s rizz (basically “charisma”), orbiting, stashing, zombie-ing, roster dating, and if things go well, the soft launch. 

It’s not just the vocab that’s had an update, either. Gen Z are ditching alcohol for “sober dating”, with nearly one in three Gen Z Hinge users saying they have no drinks on an average date. According to Tinder’s 2023 dating report, Gen Z are a lot more considerate and actually 32 percent less likely to ghost someone than 33+ year olds. Apparently, the vast majority of us allow two to three dates to give matches a chance, compared to millennials who often approach the first date like a pass/fail job interview.

Sure, Gen Z are known as “Generation Sensible”, but maybe that can actually be useful? Sixty-nine percent of Gen Z believe they’re the ones to refresh dating standards for the future, says that same Tinder report, and more than half of millennials agree that dating is healthier for 18-25 year olds today than it was in their day. So we thought we’d asked a load of Gen Zs for their pioneering advice on very 30-something dating predicaments to find out if they’re really so different to millennials.

I hate all the apps. How do I meet someone without using them? And please don’t tell me to sign up for a pottery class.

“Fuck a pottery class. I think pubs and bars, specifically the smoking areas. Smoking areas are where the sex lies, not Hinge.” – Aliona, 20, Kent

“I didn’t meet my boyfriend on an app, I met him at a roller disco. Maybe try the old fashioned way and sit at a bar with a martini on your own, SATC style.” – Iris, 25, London

“I’ve never used a dating app. Use Discord or – if you’re too old for that – use Skype or something, IDK.” – James, 18, Hampshire

My boyfriend’s been red-pilled and he won’t stop going on about Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate. How can I de-radicalise him? Or should I just dump him?

“I once had a red pilled phase, but only because I didn’t want to be ‘like other girls’. Then I went to an all boys school for sixth form and realised the patriarchy is real. When you’re dating someone, you don’t have to have the exact same political views but your values do have to align. I would just dump him.” – Aliona

“Surely he got radicalised by TikTok or YouTube, so you can de-radicalise him by changing his algorithm? Make him follow loads of feminist accounts. It depends how far down the line he is, but I think he can be saved.” – Iris

“Your best option is to break up, but if you want to try to de-radicalise him, I’d say do it very slowly. If you try to outright debate him he’s not even going to listen to you. I don’t think it’s going to work, though.” – Lily, 20, Perth, Scotland

Is it a red flag if they suggest doing shroom chocolates on your second date?

“It depends on how well the first date went.” – Aliona

“Terrible idea. Why would you want to be at your most vulnerable with a random stranger?” – James

“Depends what you’re into. As long as they don’t do them everyday then it’s fine.” – Cody, 22, London

“You can always say no, it that doesn’t mean it’s a red flag. They’re just proposing a little bit of fun.” – Iris

“If you’re a psycho then yes. If not, then no.” – Lily

I’m haemorrhaging money on dates. I organise a few a week – because I need to meet someone somehow – and we always get hammered which leaves me exhausted. How do I balance putting myself out there with not draining my bank account or causing myself burnout?

“Why are you going on so many dates? That sounds like a bit of a red flag. Can you not see your friends more? Anyway, there’s cheap ways of getting fucked up: Start sleeping with someone who works at a bar or a pub, then you get free pints every time.” – Aliona

“Coffee date. Deal with them in the daylight and if you don’t fancy them without alcohol it might not be the best idea.” – Cody

“Go to all the free events that fashion places and shops are always doing with free food and drinks. You can pretend to your date that you’ve been invited, RSVP vibe. Find the free stuff in life!” – Iris

“Try and make the other person pay for you as much as you can. ‘I forgot my purse’ is a good one. My friend puts on her dating profile: ‘You can only take me to restaurants with the ££££ signs’ and she gets a lot of dates. Maybe because she’s a model, though.” – Lily

My partner wants to open our relationship up so we can sleep with other people, but I’m scared they’ll end up falling in love with someone else. What do you think? 

“That’s so sad. I’d be more interested in why they want to do that, though, because if they’re saying you’re not enough for them, then that’s not good. You could also just go and sleep with a bunch of other people and maybe you’ll fall in love with someone else?” – Cody

“You should tell them you’re not comfortable with it. If you do it you’ll be permanently anxious and it’ll end up ruining your relationship. There’s no point trying to be open.” – James

“I would say, ‘If you want to be with other people, go ahead, we’re done’. I’m quite strict on that one. I think my jealousy levels are a bit too high to have an open relationship, though – once I got really annoyed at my boyfriend because he called a cat cute. If you’re a jealous person, just don’t do it.” – Iris

“Bring up your concerns, but if they’re already thinking about sleeping with other people, I don’t think this relationship is worth saving.” – Lily

How do I figure out the line between a dumpable ick or a “you can live with it” ick?

“It depends on what the ick is, it’s fine if it’s only here and there. Maybe they don’t brush their teeth everyday or they have the occasional cigarette, but you’re never going to find the perfect person.” – Aliona

“See if the ick can be erased or changed. When I met my boyfriend he had a moustache, now that moustache is gone.” – Cody

“An ‘I can live with it ick’ is if you can find the humour in it. Even if it’s just to yourself privately, try to find it sweet and have a little giggle at it. If you really can’t find it funny, then maybe it’s dumpable.” – Iris

I moved in with my partner but I can’t stop thinking about leaving him. I can’t afford to live on my own, though, because renting as a single person is extortionate. What should I do?

“You can’t live with someone day in, day out if you want to get out of that relationship. It can turn really sour very quickly. Even though it’s difficult to cut it off and find a new place, you should explore other options. See if you can couch surf for a bit, or maybe go back to your parents.” – Aliona

“Start an OnlyFans and then break up. Or join a commune. Maybe get in a polyamorous relationship and live with loads of people.” – Cody

“Try to get a better job, so you can afford to live on your own. There’s never any point sacrificing your mental health and happiness.” – James

“You should leave your partner because that’s not fair on either of you. The experiences you could get in accommodation as a single person could be great! You need to be happy.” – Iris

It feels like everyone is either in a relationship or not “ready to commit right now” – it’s so tedious. How can I find someone down for even the possibility of being more than a casual fling? Am I seriously going to have to wait for the first round of divorces?!

“When you find out give me a call, ‘cause I’m trying to figure that out myself.” – Aliona

“Make everyone chase you as much as humanly possible, they’ll be desperate for a sliver of your attention. Only then should you consider letting them take you out on an actual date. You just need to change your perspective.” – Cody

“Unfortunately, I think you just have to wait until it comes naturally, but there’s no harm in asking, ‘What are you looking for?’ on the first date. If it’s not long term, get out. Be clear from the start.” – Iris

I can’t seem to get past the third date with guys. Is it because I have sex on the first date and don’t play games? I’m 30, do I actually still need to give boys “the chase”?

“I’ve known people who have sex on the first date and I know some people who like to wait. Personally I’ve found longer lasting relationships when I’ve waited.” – Aliona

“Maybe don’t have sex on the first date, because they’re probably thinking you want something casual.” – James

“The thing with the chase is that even if you don’t want it to be a thing, it’s partially a thing. Part of the excitement, even for you, should be the curiosity of what sleeping with this person might be like.” – Cody

“I always have sex on the first date, I think it’s fun. Have a really fun first two dates, then open up a little more on the third and give more depth – that’ll make them more connected to you.” – Iris

The sex isn’t that good, but everything else about them is perfect. Is it worth continuing?

“For me this is a dumpable cause.” – Lily

“If the sex can be improved then that’s okay, but if there’s literally nothing you can do about it then end it. Sex is too important for you to be dissatisfied with it. You need to be pleasured, otherwise what’s the point?” – Cody

“Dump, I’m sorry. All dicks have a different angle and all vaginas have a different angle – sometimes it’s just that certain keys fit certain locks, so you might not be physically compatible. I don’t wanna be with someone unless I look at them and think ‘I wanna rip all your clothes off’. ” – Aliona