RETTSOUNDS

Neon Christ

Ever since I was dumb enough to buy records, I always preferred purchasing the ones beyond their freshness date. Initially, what drew me to them was the simple fact that they were cheaper than the new Saran wrapped ones. But even as the prices grew and the word “re-issue” started being bandied about, I still wanted these discs over whatever flavor-of-the-minute horsepucky the skinny son of a bitch behind the counter was trying to push down my throat. I think the thing I liked most about them was that they possessed a history I had no part in. Since the jokers playing on these things had never traipsed around in front of me wearing doofy looking scarves begging for attention, they were OK in this pathetic D&D-esque scenario I made up. Not only that, but buying these discs encouraged no one to put out record after record until they shat blood. In my mind, my so-called theory made perfect sense.

After awhile, my so-called theory seemed retarded at best. As anyone knows, any and all musicians are a-holes, doesn’t matter what time or place they existed. You’re encouraging the act of dummy hairdos and drug abuse no matter which way you slice it. So I guess all it really boils down to is I’d rather listen to re-issues of obscure noisy oldies over any number of current bands for the simple reason that… they’re good? Could that be the sole reason? Wow… you do learn something new every day.

Neon Christ was a Hardcore unit out of Atlanta in the early 80s who put out a sole seven inch on what I assume to be their own Social Crisis label. It’s very up in the air on whether or not this recent re-issue of it is on the up and up since maybe someone out there bootlegged it thinking they’ll make some scratch from N.C. guitarist Kip Duvall currently being the front man for Alice in Chains. What kind of money do you think you can make from such a venture? Enough to buy an ’86 Subaru at best? The mind wanders… Nonetheless, this thing has always been a confounding rager that stood out from the avalanche of paddle thrashing seven inchers of its time due to the sort of discombobulated vibe it has. Beneath all the blurry thrash lies some spark of wanting to stand out from their “Reagan Blows” brethren by sheer weirdness, and it shows in the mid-tempo “It’s Mine” and kitchen sink accidental ProgCore of “Doom/After.” Although I big up the fore mentioned tracks, I’m gonna give you “Draft Song” as a sample just for the sake of “period charm.” Score a copy here.
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/neon-christ-draft-song-01.mp3]
Neon Christ – “Draft Song”

And speaking of period charm, there’s none more charmingly periodic (huh?) than the re-press of the Joe Hebert Band’s “I Don’t Wanna Be a Preppy” single from 1981. Apparently, Hebert was some sort of yuckster who wanted to do a novelty punk single about preps and how much they stunk in that time of lemonade and FrankenStuff. I know that setup doesn’t really get the anaconda pumpin’, but one earful of the single will. There’s a fine line between trying to sound like shit and actually sounding like it. Since Hebert’s band existed before the invention of digital recording and the “Basement Screams” column in Maximum Rock ‘N’ Roll, we can assume they meant all this fuzz and distortion from the bottom of their hearts. The label that did this up has been on a real roll lately, re-issuing such gems as Freestone’s “Church” single, as well as The Injections “Prison Walls” one. Get them all here.

[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/i-dont-wanna-be-a-preppy-joe-hebert-band-01.mp3]
Joe Herbert Band – “I Don’t Wanna be a Preppy”

Clint Simonson over at the DeStijl label sends out so many boss transmissions from the past, it really is hard to keep up with the shit he fires out. Recently, he served up a re-make of the debut LP from Parasites of the Western World, a duo out of Portland in the late 70s. Similar to the other oddball items re-issued by this label (the Mark Tucker catalog springs to mind), this disc comes off like a very extreme exorcism; something that had to be done or someone was going to climb to the nearest bell tower and start taking people out. The tracks vacillate between being full of real goopy Hawkwind damage or being these primitively recorded/wonderfully executed sunset searching electronic compositions. The side one closer “Funeral for a Mouse” cooks up an image in my head of a Casio demo at a local mall gone horribly wrong with children gawking wide-mouthed while mothers weep and flatulate from time to time.

[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/parasites-of-the-western-world-mo-01.mp3]
Parasites of the Western World – “MO”

The two singles released by early 80s SoCal Punk band Modern Warfare have always been both hard to find and understand. The first one, from 1980, sounds like that surfer goth thing T.S.O.L was trying to do a few years later, except it has enough quirk and non-suckdom to pull it through. The second one from ’81–recently re-issued by the Pederast Prophet label–is the most confounding of the two as it seems the band had converted into being a full on “Hahdcore” band somewhere down the line. I always wondered if this record was some sort of piss take on the then burgeoning scene surrounding them at the time, or if they really bought into the whole thing. Listen to the demented “Nothing Left” and figure it out for yourself… I’ve got work in the morning.
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/modern-warfare-nothing-left-01.mp3]
Modern Warfare – “Nothing Left”

The one and only album by France’s Rob Jo Star Band released in 1975 has always been talked about in hushed tones among collectors with tissues crammed up their asses and their noses shoved way up in the air. Fuck them, know what I mean? Because now some real sweetheart type has re-done up the record for all us normal Joes who stopped spending tons of money on records after we discovered razor blades and soap are essentials in life. Like most frogs, their tongues are shoved way up Louis Reed’s crack, but there’s so many fumbled notes and strange synth noises whizzing by you, you’ll forgive them, trust me.

[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/rob-jo-star-band-loves-machine-01.mp3]
Rob Jo Star Band – “Lovings Machine”

No band’s name brings more warmth to my heart than Sweden’s Brainbombs. If I may get all Wilford Brimley on your asses, I remember a time when I was hustlin’ to get all their records, playing tunes such as “Lipstick on my Dick” and “Die You Fuck” to clear out X-Mas parties (worked every time!) and generally reveling in knowing about these authentic sick bastards. Nowadays, every former Floorpunch fan can get a hold of this stuff, pound his chest, and declared himself a crazy ass motherfucker… it sort of gets my goat. Should I blame the Load label for bringing such timeless tunes to the masses? Of course not, because they were nice enough to send these nice new vinyl versions of the “Singles” collection and their forth album Urge to Kill, both from ’99. To sit on the couch with a decent brew in hand and let the strains of these tunes hit me like a nickel plated battering ram is one of the things that makes living more tolerable for me. If you get these records, listen to them, and don’t agree, I would like you dead… it’s that simple.
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/brainbombs-ass-fucking-murder-01.mp3]
Brainbombs – “Ass Fucking Murder”

The very idea of White Boy and the Average Rat Band is such a brain twister that sometimes I have to just concentrate on the music and not let my nerd ass mental wanderings get in the way of the listening. The back story of the record is still somewhat shaky, even in these times of finding every member of the Snotbaggs from Scunthorpe on Facebook to re-issue their 7″. Released out of Baltimore somewhere in the time the 70s kissed the 80s, the whole recording is apparently a one-man show, even though there’s four mirror shaded tuffies hanging on the cover. Beyond all the vagueness lies a very confusing, very DIY-sounding Heavy Metal album that’ll have you wondering the intentions from the get-go. Did these guys know how fucked up they were? Do you think they actually had aspirations to open up for Aerosmith or something? I mean, really? Oh crap, there goes my mind again!
[audio:http://viceland-assets-cdn.vice.com/blogs/en/files/2010/11/white-boy-and-the-average-rat-band-sector-387-01.mp3]
White Boy and the Average Rat Band – “Sector 387”

Last, but certainly not goddamned least, I want to do a small roundup of all this awesome Metal stuff the Shadow Kingdom label has re-issued in the past few months. Firstly is the 2 CD gathering of all the material done by Crisis, a unit out of Utah in the early 80s. Before I even did research on the band, I just generally assumed they were from the UK by the look and sound of them, but when I found out they were from fucking Utah, I gotta say, I peed a little. This would have fit like a glove on the Neat or Heavy Metal label back then. How these dudes were picking up those UK vibes all the way out there in salt suck land is yet another mystery that’ll keep me up those cold, lonely nights when the Nyquil won’t kick in.

I have to admit utter confusion even after more than a few listens to this re-issue of “Nine Inches of God” the first and only album done by Norwich’s Deep Switch. That in itself might be an endorsement, or maybe this photo of the band could be.

I’m just taking a wild guess here, but I don’t think they took themselves too seriously… or I at least hope they didn’t with pro- handicapped execution tracks (“Poor Bastard”) siddling next to honest-to-god lovey dovey power ballads. Completely ridiculous and worth every penny.

My fave out of the whole lot is the disc “Just as The Dust Had Settled” by Jameson Raid. Formed sometime in the mid 70s and releasing their own material by early ’79, these guys were a just a little ahead of the NWOBM curve. Is that the reason they’re not really talked about like some other bands from this time/era? Either way, it’s a fucking shame because this is some flat out amazing shit. If you’ve ever spent equal time admiring the debut releases by Iron Maiden, Wishbone Ash, and Rush, you are not only a very handsome person (just an assumption) but you would like this big time.

Next time around won’t just be about old crap, so if you’ve got anything you’d like talked about here, send it to Vice c/o me and we’ll sort you out but good.

TONY RETTMAN