Geminis Are Liars, Cheats, and Thieves and Everyone Knows It

Astro Roast is a column in which astrologer Danny Larkin drags each sign, but affectionately!!

The internet is rife with Gemini slander. While every sign has its shitty qualities, Gemini tends to have the worst reputation among the astrologically-inclined. This is because Geminis are widely reputed to be liars, cheats, and thieves.

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In some ways, this reputation is deserved. Gemini is the sign of the twins, and its planetary ruler is Mercury, the planet of communication. Because of this, Geminis are giant blabbermouths and love to tell stories; in line with their symbol, Geminis can talk enough for two people, and they have a nasty habit of being two-faced — and also of two-timing. They can easily talk circles around others, and they love pulling a fast one. Very often, they find it easy to outwit the people around them using word games.

Many Geminis seem unfamiliar with the wonderful concept of “listening.” At some point, perhaps it will occur to those born under the twins’ sign that when you insist on talking nonstop, no matter how interesting your supposed insights are, you come off like an arrogant jerk who’s more interested in showboating than connecting.

On that note, it’s time to address the elephant in the room: A Gemini is currently debasing the White House. He’s such a liar that he had trouble finding a lawyer willing to stick with him — that is, until he got another sneaky Gemini, Rudy Giuliani, on the scene. And his vice president is also a Gemini. (Geminis like to travel in packs and look out for each other. It will probably not surprise you to learn that Kanye West, who recently raised eyebrows by tweeting about his admiration for the orange ogre, is a Gemini as well.)

Geminis can talk enough for two people, and they have a nasty habit of being two-faced — and also of two-timing.

In fairness, not all Geminis are such appalling con artists. Many Geminis don’t get how shifty they come off. They simply change their minds so often that they can say something and genuinely mean it one day, only to feel completely differently the next. The word “mercurial” applies well to Geminis; as an air sign, they’re intellectuals who are quick on their feet, but they’re also extremely hard to pin down. Geminis love to cancel or change plans at the last minute.

And when conflict inevitably arises — when their friends get mad at them for bailing yet again, for instance, or when their lovers feel scorned after they confess their deep feelings and then vanish, chasing after someone or something else — Geminis can be too cerebral in their responses. They tend to make things worse by overthinking, and can come across as cold and calculating.

If you do manage to pin down a flighty Gemini in a romantic relationship, 1) they’ll probably cheat on you, and 2) you’ll be exhausted by their inability to stop talking for even a moment. Sometimes we need to snuggle and veg out with our partners; other times, we need to get our brains fucked out. These activities typically don’t involve lots of conversation. Unfortunately, Geminis would rather their mouths for prattling on and on than doing something more pleasurable for their partners.

Geminis can be insecure, which stems from their inability to shut up and explore their emotions. They’re so preoccupied with being the center of attention that they rarely take time for introspection. But they should. They usually have a lot of buried feelings of disatisfaction to contend with. Such as: Why do they still feel like shit even though their Facebook or Instagram posts get lots of likes? It’s because other people’s admiration isn’t going to help you get over your ex or resolve the deeper issues you’re repressing, Gemini!

What many Geminis don’t realize is that the worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. The duality at the heart of this sign can sometimes manifest in the form of a tragically split personality. Instead of acknowledging their own duality and accepting it, however, Geminis tend to reject or hide their alter egos, thinking of themselves as being one way while consistently acting another. Leading a double life comes naturally to Geminis, who constantly make excuses for their bad behavior. Every time a Gemini acts shady, they tell themselves they’re just momentarily going “off-script,” refusing to admit that their sneaking around is habitual. Embrace this darkness, Gemini, or it’ll eat away at you.

Roses bloom during Gemini season, in late spring. This flower gets at the sign’s split personality with its soft petals and sharp thorns. There is a legend about the first rose in Barcelona: After St. George killed the dragon, its blood spilled onto the ground, and on that crimson-stained earth, the first rose bloomed. Gemini: It’s time to slay your inner dragons with the same gusto. Stop talking, get still, and lance your alter ego. What will impress everyone is the rose that rises from that bloody mess.

What’s in the stars for you in April? Read your monthly horoscope here or your daily horoscope here.

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