A Yakuza Boss Allegedly Put Out a Hit on a Nurse After His Botched Dick Surgery

A 70-year-old Japanese crime boss has been accused of ordering an attack on a nurse in 2013 who was involved in his “failed” penis enlargement surgery, according to the Tokyo Reporter.

In court on Monday, prosecutors claimed that Satoru Nomura, head of the Kudo-kai syndicate, conspired with senior gang member Yoshinobu Nakata to go after a woman who was working as a nurse during the cosmetic procedure back in 2012, Japan Today reports. Something must have gone terribly wrong, because Nakata allegedly stabbed the nurse in the head, neck, and chest while she was walking down the street a few months later, although she escaped with her life. 

Nakata, who’s on trial for committing two additional attacks allegedly ordered by Nomura, said he had “given a lift to a perpetrator” in the nurse attack, but wasn’t trying to kill the woman. He also claimed he didn’t know if the order had come from the Kudo-kai boss. Prosecutors argued, however, that tapped phone records between the men prove otherwise. 

It’s not clear exactly what Nomura had in mind when he went under the knife, or what went wrong, but the man still has some options should he avoid jail time. If he’s still not happy with the results of the surgery, he could always hit up one of the doctors creating robo-cocks or sewing dead guys’ penises onto living men.