Men Explain, in Great Detail, Why They Don’t Eat Pussy

Previously, I put out a public inquiry trying to find straight men who proudly do not eat pussy. I thought I could find at least a few guys down to talk and explain themselves. However, I could not: Not a single guy would admit his oral aversions to me. Instead, I got endless emails from boys bragging: If they were Popeye, pussy was their spinach.

I threw in the towel and turned my attention to some well-respected sex therapists about the hypotheticals. Surprisingly, after the piece published, I received an onslaught of tweets and emails from men who had read my article. “I do not eat pussy,” they wrote. “I’ll tell you exactly why, in great detail.” So here we have it. Real reasons from real men about why they really do not like to perform cunnilingus.

George*, 27

I can’t say I made a conscious decision not to perform oral sex on women. I tried it with my first girlfriend when we first became sexually active. It never really appealed to me. I think the main thing for me is, I also don’t particularly enjoy [receiving] oral sex, so I don’t expect it from women, ever. It’s kind of funny—the only girl I’ve ever gone down on regularly was my most recent girlfriend, and it was because she actually really enjoyed giving head. She brought up the fact that I wasn’t going down on her, and that she would like me to, and also that I never urged her to go down on me, which she found weird. Honestly, even with her—and the sex was great—I didn’t enjoy going down on her. I would do it, because she asked me to and I’m not a completely selfish asshole, but I didn’t enjoy it.

Like I said, I don’t expect blowjobs from my girlfriends, ever. I honestly don’t even really enjoy them. It can’t or won’t make me finish; I usually end up pulling them off me and having intercourse. In terms of girls who can’t orgasm from intercourse, I find my fingers work well in that regard and that oral sex isn’t imperative. In that sense, it’s never caused a riff between me and any girlfriends I’ve had. I think the sex has always been enjoyable, and I make sure they feel the same way, even if oral sex isn’t always involved.

Jacob, 31

As far back as I can remember, my senses of taste and smell have been peculiar, almost amplified. It’s possible this is due to the chemotherapy I had as a child, but I’ll never know for certain. Either way, sensations that are mildly unpleasant for most people are wildly intolerable for me. I’ve tried to go down on women before, and it’s been traumatic for the both of us—me because of the repulsion, and my partner because, obviously, no one likes to be told her genitals are in any way unpleasant. In addition, I don’t like to put things in my mouth that aren’t food or drink, so netherfluids are on my squicklist anyway. It’s much less painful for everyone to skip the whole ordeal. I don’t think it’s fair to call my reluctance to go down a decision, but I did make the discovery when I was 20 years old.

Some girls just have death coming from their coochies in the form of a rancid effluvium.

I met someone on Tinder once who wanted a friends-with-benefits arrangement, and she opened with what she thought was a big caveat: “I don’t do blowjobs.” I, of course, was relieved, but she told me that a lot of men ghost her at that point in the conversation. Sucks for them! She was a great partner, and we had a lot of fun, no oral necessary. I could never “expect” head if I’m not willing to give it. If my partner wants to [give me a blowjob] because she enjoys it, that’s entirely up to her—I won’t complain, and I’ll go clean myself thoroughly before anything begins. But it is clear from the start that there will not be reciprocal head.

Steven, 27

I don’t go down on women for two reasons. First, I don’t find vaginas really appealing. I like the female body a lot, but the genitalia itself—I find it not attractive. On top of that, I really don’t like the smell or taste. I don’t mind it, but I don’t find it attractive or arousing. I have never understood why some men say they love it. On top of this, I am very afraid of STDs. I never have sexual contact without a condom. Luckily for me I have not had a problem because I have been in a monogamous relationship since 2008, and my girlfriend doesn’t like receiving oral. On that front, I am a lucky guy. I won’t lie. I love blowjobs; they are the best. But if a girl tells me she does not like to give them I accept it, ’cause I do not want to be a hypocrite.

Photo by Cameron Whitman via Stocksy

Kent, 34

I started dating a girl who worked at Hooters and had a lot of issues. At that point, I’d grown to not care for oral; I’d much rather be having sex. She left me after two years of dating and I was crushed. I turned to alcohol to drown my sorrows. During this time period, I was a man whore. There was no way I was going to go down on a girl I just picked up at the bar. I don’t know who she’s been with, and there are no condoms for your tongue and mouth. I was content just having sex, and I always used protection. I justified my lack of willingness to go down on girls because I felt it was just like putting your mouth on a toilet seat. People defecate from that area, and I felt my mouth had no business being down there.

My friends convinced me that ultimately I would have to get over my mental thoughts of licking a toilet seat and just do it.

I probably went a decade without going down on a girl. Don’t get me wrong—I understand what sweat and other chemicals do, but some girls just have death coming from their coochies in the form of a rancid effluvium. My friends convinced me that ultimately I would have to get over my mental thoughts of licking a toilet seat and just do it. I’ve been dating a new girl for about a month, and I make sure to go down on her regularly. Life is about sacrifice, and fortunately for me she just tastes like flesh. No terrible odors, just normal smells.

Andrew

The idear [sic] of doing it seems not to be my thing, but it never really comes up I guess. The only time I ever think about doing it [is] when I [see] a picture of some random model. But I am a feminist, as I hope most people are these days—obviously this just means equal rights for women. I am also a big believer in [the idea] that the only thing that brings long-term happiness is helping others. I’ve had open discussions with my friends about eating girls out; one of them, who loves doing it, often says that the best thing that ever happened to him is when he was licking out a chick she lifted her back off the bed. He described it as the opposite [of] the way a cat arches its back.

I guess you can contrast that with something that brought me a weird sense of manly achievement. I had an interaction with a guy when I was out; he had recently punched some guy and sent him to the hospital. Though I don’t have any grand idears [sic] about my fighting ability, the only thing that separates me and my mates is [that] I got taught the basics of boxing for about a year and a bit by my dad’s friend. I went to a public high school in Queensland for four years, where I learnt there are two types of guys who act tuff [sic]: ones who act tuff [sic] only around their mates, and ones who are actually confident.

Anyway, getting back to my interaction with the guy. I had seen him out two times before. The first was when he was at the pub with like ten of his mates. Instead of not making eye contact with him like my mates from school, I looked over and made eye contact—just naturally, but not avoiding looking. I also smiled and laughed for no apparent reason when I was walking past them, ‘cos I figure people are scared of people who are a bit mental—I know I am. Then when I saw him out a second time—this time with only one of his mates—I again didn’t avoid walking directly past them when I could have, looking at him but not doing anything to directly provoke him.

It does kinda annoy me that, when I think about eating girls out, I have an emotional response to it.

Finally, I was at the local workers club, and he was with his same mate. He came over to our pool table and took/asked for one of my mates’ sticks and then took a shot. He did not directly address us or me, then kinda walked off. About 15 minutes later, he and his mate are walking down the corridor. I was by myself going the other way. I looked at them directly—I walk like a guy who’s 30 kilograms heavier than [I am] anyway, and this situation does not phase me. Don’t get me wrong—if we were in a dark ally and there were two guys, I would jump a fence, but I have always figured that I can’t get beat up too bad. I didn’t change my pace or anything, and just as I got about ten meters away he veered off to the smokers section without any warning, leaving his mate to walk past me with a dumb look on his face.

That gave me a sense of manliness, though I realize it’s a pretty silly thing. After telling my friends about this, the guy who loves eating pussy retold the story about [how he made] the girl lift her back off the bed.

I like that sort of thing, because it makes me realize things about myself. I see a lot of people who don’t know they’re dickheads, so they become [bigger] dickheads. That is the last sort of person I want to be. If you can’t be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? That’s why the pussy-eating thing interested me. I think everyone should try to be confident, but even though I’ve never been beat up or anything, on the rare occasion when I do get into fights it does take it out of me, even when normally they just stand there throwing punches widely. You would be surprised at how many guys freak out when you land one good punch on them.

But I think being punched in the head, if you really think about it, gives you a healthy sense of humbleness and confidence for the future. So it does kinda annoy me that, when I think about eating girls out, I have an emotional response to it. I’m definitely not against it or people who do it, but writing it out like this has put perspective on how silly not doing it is. It’s not like it’s on another level than fucking. [Writing this] kinda makes me want to put myself in the heat of the moment with a girl to see if I would do it or how I feel about it. When I got up in front of the class at school once and got nervous, later I forced myself to do speeches, even doing the maximum amount of time instead of the minimum amount, which is not normal for me. (I was really lazy in high school.) I also did the same thing with fighting—hence the boxing training. I still get scared before public speaking and fights, but I find once I am in the thick of it I am much calmer now.

So maybe I’ll do the same with this—get in the heat of the moment and see how I feel. Imagining the audience naked never helped me in any situation.

*All names have been changed.