Doug Jones Doesn’t Love That ‘Shape of Water’ Fish Dick Dildo

The Shape of Water director Guillermo del Toro once called his Oscar-nominated film “a love letter to love and cinema,” but the thing is more like a love letter to sexy-ass amphibians, since the movie has done more to eroticize sea creatures than every Ninja Turtles romantic subplot combined. Del Toro’s fish god/man/stud character looks like the creature from the Black Lagoon if he went on Whole30 and started doing CrossFit. Look at that six pack! Do fish even have abdominal muscles? Who cares!

Naturally, the hot-ass fish man inspired a legion of doting fans, all swooning over his smoking, scaly bod. So sex-toy maker XenoCatArtifacts did what any normal, business-savvy person with the know-how to manufacture custom silicone wangs would do—sold fish man dildos based on The Shape of Water character. The dildos were a hit and sold out almost immediately, but apparently not everyone was so smitten with the colorful fish dick.

Doug Jones, the actor who played the fish man himself, isn’t too happy with the new dildo based on his character’s scaly peen, he told the Wrap this week.

“With a light chuckle, I can tell you it’s not exactly what I’d hoped for,” Jones said. “After pouring my heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears into this romantic, beautiful, magical role, the last thing I want to be remembered for is a silicone appendage that comes in two sizes.”

Del Toro has previously expressed his own unhappiness with the custom dildo, saying that he doesn’t “think it’s an accurate representation” and joking that he’s “sure Dunkirk doesn’t have that problem.” And while, yes, del Toro is right that we have yet to see a sex toy based on Tom Hardy’s pilot character in Dunkirk, it’s not actually a terrible idea. Could this fish dick dildo be the first in a whole line of sex toys based on Oscar noms? Maybe a Call Me by Your Name–branded fuckable peach?

Get on it, XenoCatArtifacts—just don’t mention it to Doug Jones.

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