Single apartment-dweller and second-tier alt-right fuckboy Martin Shkreli is selling the world’s only copy of Wu-Tang Clan’s 2015 album, Once Upon a Time in Shaolin. Shkreli put the album up for auction on eBay Wednesday night.
“I decided to purchase this album as a gift to the Wu-Tang Clan for their tremendous musical output,” Shkreli wrote in a self-satisfied note accompanying the auction. “Instead I received scorn from at least one of their (least-intelligent) members, and the world at large failed to see my purpose of putting a serious value behind music. I will be curious to see if the world values music nearly as much as I have. I have donated to many rock bands and rappers over the years to ensure they can continue to produce their art when few others would.”
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“At any time I may cancel this sale and I may even break this album in frustration,” he went on. “I will donate half of the sale proceeds to medical research. I am not selling to raise cash—my companies and I have record amounts of cash on hand. I hope someone with a bigger heart for music can be found for this one-of-a-kind piece and makes it available for the world to hear.”
Shkreli spent $2 million on the album in May 2015, though he wasn’t identified as the buyer until later that year. In what will go down as one of civilization’s most pathetic and anticlimactic nadirs, he promised to release the album if Donald Trump became President, but decided not to because, I don’t fucking know, he’s Martin Shkreli. If I had to spend any time getting inside his webcam-warped mind, I’d drink myself into a coma before you could say “federal charges.”
The current bid on eBay is around $100,000. We can only hope that a real famous person buys it, thus scrubbing Shkreli’s name from Wu-Tang’s legacy. I’d like it to be Michael Rapaport. He seems cool.
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