Illustraton by Dan Evans
Annons
Annons
Annons
Although sex is the most phenomenal thing, it's created, I think, to bond. It's meant to hold you together and I'm not sure we're meant to use it so lightly. I've got some friends who say "I just got laid and I'm happy with that," but the majority of the time someone cries at the end of it because it doesn't work out. Abstaining from sex after you know what it's like is a lot harder than if you'd never done it at all: The visuals are there in your brain and you know how great it is. The temptation to do it is huge, but I actually feel more free now than before. Even if it can be difficult on the surface.When I'm dating, I have to be very upfront. If I'm at a party and I'm known as The Christian, people either make a beeline for me because they want to start an argument, or they leave me the hell alone because they think I'm going to evangelize them. That's never been my agenda. But because I'm a pastor most people know before date one that sex is off the menu. However, if I haven't had The Conversation by date three, there's a problem. It's not hard to give up sex, but it gets difficult when you start falling in love with each other—that's when you have to have strong boundaries.A lot of the time people say to me, "You're 35 and single, it's not really working out for you, this whole holding out thing, is it?" But the thing is, it wasn't working out for me before I abstained. I wonder if I was an atheist whether I would have made this decision anyway. By holding out, I have more clarity—does that person want to know me for me, or are they co-dependent and just can't not be in a relationship?What's kind of lovely about it, is that so many of my friends are in the same boat. It's quite quaint in a way: We talk about when he held my hand, or the conversations we had. It's like we're 15 again.Prude: The Misconceptions of a Neo-Virgin by Carrie Lloyd is out now.Abstaining from sex after you know what it's like is a lot harder than if you'd never done it at all.