Welcome once more to Cry-Baby of the Week. It’s a simple premise – we present you with two wimps, and then ask you to decide who is the bigger pussyole.
Cry-Baby #1: Bill Wisth
Videos by VICE
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The incident: After eating 12 pieces of fish at an “all you can eat” fish restaurant, a man was told that he had eaten too much, given eight more pieces and asked to leave.
The appropriate reaction: Complaining. Also, maybe taking a look at yourself when you’ve become the IRL punchline to a Simpsons gag.
The actual reaction: Bill, who the restaurant describes as a “problem customer”, called the police, who told him there was nothing they could do. Determined to stand up for the little guy, Bill returned two days later with a home-made sign that read “Poor Business Practices!” Bill says he will continue his protest until the restaurant “rethinks what happened”.
Part of me is on Bill’s side here. “All you can eat” SHOULD mean “all you can eat”. But fuuuuuck Bill, you ate 20 pieces of fish? TWENTY? The restaurant’s advertising should be the least of your life-worries.
Also, Bill, that is the worst protest sign I have ever seen. You couldn’t have splashed out on a marker, man?
Cry-Babies #2: Jennifer Farmer and Hannah Rockey
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The incident: Children at a high school prom in Colorado were dancing “like they were having sex with their clothes on”.
The appropriate reaction: Nothing. That’s how people dance in 2012, grandma.
The actual reaction: According to a lawsuit obtained by The Smoking Gun, Jennifer Farmer and Hannah Rockey, who were chaperoning the dance, told the dancing kids that they were “advertising butt sex”, and that they were “sluts and whores”. Not content with just verbally abusing them, they then (allegedly) sprayed Lysol Disinfectant on to the kids. The sprayed students claim that the Lysol got into their mouths and eyes, and they were forced to leave the prom.
Unrelated, but in that news report I’ve embedded above, the police chief they interview says “supposebly”. How is it possible to get to his age without learning that word?
So who is the biggest cry-baby? Let us know in the poll below so that we can shame one of these self-serious pussies forever.
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT
I also just realised that I’ve never announced any of the “winners” of previous Cry-Baby of the Weeks. So here they are:
Short-Haired Cameron Diaz vs. Goldfish-Loving (Alleged) Murderer
Winner: Short-Haired Cameron Diaz! (Seriously guys? You actually think Cameron Diaz crying over a haircut is worse than someone getting beaten to death with a hammer? Jeeeeez.)
Masturbating Tinkerbell Tattoo Lady vs. Money-Hungry Adam Lambert Fan
Winner: Money-Hungry Adam Lambert Fan!
Burger Dick Lady vs. Hypersensitive Newsreader
Winner: Hypersensitive Newsreader!