It’s time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don’t know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: Sharlene Simon
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The incident: A woman fatally ran over a 17-year-old boy.
The appropriate response: A lifetime of regret.
The actual response: She is suing the dead boy and his family.
On the night of the 28th of October, 2012, 17-year-old Brandon Majewski was out for a bike ride with two friends in Alcona, Canada.
At around 1:30AM, the three friends were struck from behind by an SUV being driven by a woman named Sharlene Simon. Brandon was killed instantly, while his friend Richard McLean sustained several broken bones. The third friend, Jake Roberts, received only minor injuries. According to the police report, Sharlene was driving 10kmph over the speed limit.
To add to the family’s grief, six months after Brandon died, his brother Devon also died after overdosing on pills and alcohol.
Earlier this week, Sharlene, the driver of the SUV, filed a suit against the dead boy for the emotional trauma she’s received as a result of the accident. Also named in the suit are the two other kids she ran over, as well as Brandon’s family.
She is claiming $1.35 million in damages due to her “psychological suffering”, including “depressions, anxiety, irritability and post-traumatic stress”.
“They did not apply their brakes properly,” her claim reads. “They were incompetent bicyclists.”
Brandon’s parents are, understandably, in shock. “She killed my child and now she wants to profit from it?” Brendan’s mother, Venetta MyInczyk, told the Toronto Sun. “She says she’s in pain? Tell her to look inside my head and she will see pain, she will see panic, she will see nightmares.”
“I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach. I’m over the edge,” added Derek Majewski, Brandon’s father.
Sharlene’s lawyer, Michael Ellis, spoke with the Toronto Sun yesterday to defend his client. “The death of a child is the worst thing that could possibly happen,” he said. “We have nothing but sympathy for the family.”
He went on to state that Sharlene only took legal action against the dead boy and his family to protect herself against lawsuits filed by the families of the boys she ran over. “She would have lost everything,” the lawyer said. “She would have been destitute… homeless.”
Cry-Baby #2: An unnamed concerned parent
The incident: Some kids gave away free copies of a book their school had banned.
The appropriate response: Nothing.
The actual response: Someone called the police.
Earlier this month, a group of outraged parents successfully convinced Idaho’s Meridian School District to ban the book True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. The school did this despite a petition by students to save the book receiving 350 signatures.
The book tells the story of a Native American boy who is transferred to a mostly white high school, where he faces bullying. According to the Idaho Statesman, parents objected to the fact that the book contains a reference to masturbation (“If God hadn’t wanted us to masturbate, then God wouldn’t have given us thumbs”) and its use of “foul language”. Some parents also felt it was “anti-Christian”.
To protest against the ban, students and local supporters started a fundraiser to buy copies of the book for the 350 teens who’d signed the petition attempting to save it; 315 of these copies were handed out during a World Book Night event last week.
This didn’t go down too well with one concerned parent. Police turned up to the free book event after receiving a call from someone concerned about kids being given the banned book.
Once the officers realised nobody was doing anything wrong, they left. Which is unusual for this column – this would usually be the part where a student is tazed or beaten to death.
According to KBOI2, the book’s publisher heard about the event and has sent an additional 350 copies of the book to a bookshop in the town, to be given out free to any student who wants one.
Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here (though I have a feeling I know who’ll win this week):
Who is the bigger cry-baby?Winner: The soda fine guy!!!
