Jon Snow coming to realize he’ll have to watch something else now
I have some bad news: Game of Thrones is done for the season and will soon be over forever. This leaves us all with a void—no new episodes on Sundays, no thinkpieces about how the show was offensive or confusing or actually really good, no going to Reddit to figure out what characters’ names actually are. And for those who don’t watch the show, no talking about how we haven’t seen it, which, trust me, is nearly as time-consuming as watching.
So now that winter is almost finished coming and summer is here, we are faced with empty time. After the Euro Cup ends there won’t be any sports on except baseball, and no one really likes talking to other people unless it’s about Game of Thrones, so what else is there to fill our days? Lots! For instance:
Videos by VICE
The Game of Thrones Books
Like the show, but made of paper!
LARPing
Like the show, but instead of Jon Snow it’s you in a park throwing a tennis ball and yelling “fireball!”
Get into Podcasts
The next big thing!
Old Crime Movies
“Crime movies from the 70s—the ones by Peter Yates and William Friedkin and John Cassavetes and Don Siegel—are not only very sexist, they’re incredibly grim and violent, and any character can die at any time. They are also from a different time, so everyone can have a lot of fun being offended by them, which means a lot of internet content.” –Mike Pearl
Westworld
HBO’s latest big-budget whatever looks ominous as hell and has Anthony Hopkins in it. The perfect show to watch, then read about on the internet!
Maybe Get into Weed Again?
It’s legal now in some places!
Baseball
Boring, but always on!
Isaac Asimov’s Foundation Series
Prepare yourself for the upcoming HBO adaptation by reading the classic sci-fi series, which is like Game of Thrones except there are spaceships instead of dragons, discussions of trade agreements instead of battles, and complete sexlessness instead of smokin’ hot incest.
Pets
Dogs are really having a moment!
Check in with Your Roommate, Didn’t He Get a New Job or Something? You Haven’t Seen Him in a While
The Olympics
Forgot these were happening!
The Night Of
This intense-looking series is supposed to be great, and it’ll especially appeal to those people still talking about The Wire. It also provides Anglophiles with yet another chance to explain to us why the British original is better than the American knockoff.
VICE Also Has an HBO Show
Like Game of Thrones but upsetting because it’s not fictional!
Learn About Bees
Call Your Mom
Laser Tag
Adults do this too, I think!
Assemble Your IKEA Furniture
Stop eating your dinners off the box your bookshelf came in!
Go to Coney Island and Ride the Cyclone
“It’s a classic.” –Jonathan Smith
Star Trek: The Next Generation
It’s still on Netflix! (Skip the first two seasons though, they’re terrible.)
Telescopes
What’s really going on in those things?
Share Your Political Views on Facebook
People want to know how you, a semi-regular John Oliver viewer, feel about Trump!
The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt
Dewitt’s wildly original novel takes on the idea of genius and child-raising, following a brilliant single mother who tries to raise her son through a homeschooling diet of ancient Greek and multiple viewings of Akira Kurosawa’s The Seven Samurai (to give him positive male role models, of course).” –James Yeh
Resign from Your Position as UK Labour Party Leader
What else can you do at this point?
Write Listicles
Orson Scott Card’s Books
The man is awful but Ender’s Game is still good!
Volunteer
More rewarding than arguing with strangers about who Daenerys will eventually marry!
Baths
Peep Show
The beloved UK sitcom is not nearly beloved enough in the US but super easy to find and watch. Like Game of Thrones but instead of warring noble houses it’s a pair of roommates who hate each other and are horrible people!
Get into a New Type of Porn
Watch it until you force yourself to like it!
Steely Dan
Actually good?!?
Long Drives
Just gotta think about stuff!
Caves
Museums
Sign a Petition Shitting on US National Team Midfielder Michael Bradley
Damn that is pretty mean!
Hang Out Under the Highway Overpass
Just to see what’s going on down there, not weird!
Roller Blades
Other Peter Dinklage Stuff
The Station Agent is fantastic! In Bruges is really funny! He also made something called Knights of Badassdom! Don’t watch Tiptoes though.
Catfishing
Regular Fishing
“Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll never go hungry.” That sounds like something the Blackfish would say on Game of Thrones!
Multiple Choice by Alejandro Zambra
“A slim, searing novel in the form of a standardized test, with sections for multiple choice, reading comprehension, and fill-in-the-blank that challenge formal constraints with Zambra’s signature combination of brutal honesty, humor, and beauty.” – James Yeh
Have an Uncomfortable Conversation with Your Significant Other
Time to tell her you don’t want to have Christmas at her mom’s house after all!
Learn to Lucid Dream to Have Sex with Famous People
That British Show Where Magicians Try to Fool Penn and Teller
You guys see Now You See Me 2? Magic is cool again!
Social Media
Crepes
Falconry
How badass would this be, seriously!?
Start Drama with Your Friends
Tell Becky that you thought Jane’s wedding was tacky, then tell Jane that Becky is a bitch!
Get to Inbox Zero
Talk About the Fact That You’re into Orgies Every Chance You Get
It makes some people kinda uncomfortable!
Vote
Work on Your Intimacy Problem
Weiner
When you tell people you’re into critically acclaimed documentaries they think you’re smart!
Go to Bars and Tell Strangers Long Stories That Are Complete Lies
You’re not sure why you’re compelled to do this!
Finally Figure Out How to Whistle
The NBA Offseason
Move to the Woods
Can’t take it anymore!
The Girlfriend Experience
Remember when this show got a bunch of glowing reviews and attention and how it was supposed to deal with social issues like sex work and being a woman? Then you didn’t watch it because it was on Starz? Now you can catch up!
Buy Fancy Soap
Start Over at Season One
In your heart, this is what you want.
