IF YOU NIGGAS WANNA HEAR JOKES ABOUT FALLING ASLEEP TO THIS YOU CAN GO ON TWITTER B. I’M NOT GOING THERE IN THIS UNLESS SOMEONE HITS ME UP BEFORE I’M FINISHED WRITING THIS SHIT AND IS LIKE “BRUH YOU GOTTA WRITE THAT JOKE YOU SAID ABOUT COLE NAMING HIS ALBUM ‘TRYPTOPHAN CHRONICLES’”
ON THE FIRST TRACK HE SEEMS TO BE TRYNA RAP AS MANY WORDS AS POSSIBLE BEFORE I DRIFT OFF INTO SMOOTH JAZZ TUCKY TIME LAND. I THOUGHT THIS NIGGA WAS GONNA KEEP UP THAT THEME OF “I’MA RAP ALOT” BUT THEN HE SETTLES INTO THAT J COLE DRAWLING JOE BUDDEN SHIT WHICH I’M LESS A FAN OF THAN GIVING MY PREGNANT WIFE A PERIANAL MASSAGE. MOST OF THESE BEATS ARE GOOD BUT MY NIGGA WHY IS EVERY SONG ABOUT WOMEN AND DECEPTION AND SHIT B? I FEEL LIKE I’M LISTENING TO MY FRIEND COMPLAIN WHILE I’M PLAYING CALL OF DUTY HIGH. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE B. GO CALL YOUR MAN DANNY THAT JUST BROKE UP WITH HIS GIRL AND TELL HIM “YO COME THROUGH MY SET MY NIGGA LETS DISCUSS TOPICS AND SMOKE WEED.” THEN WHEN HE GETS THERE THROW ON A J DILLA INSTRUMENTAL ALBUM AND LISTEN TO THAT NIGGA COMPLAIN ABOUT WOMEN WHILE YOU PLAY HALO. THAT’S 80% OF THIS ALBUM.
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THIS NIGGA CAN RAP BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S MISSING HERE B. SON DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT SING CUZ THE NIGGA’S VOICE SMOKE POINT IS LOWER THAN BUTTER. HE TRIES TO HOLD A NOTE TOO LONG AND HE SOUNDS LIKE MY AUNTIE THAT IS 78 AND SMOKES MORE MARLBORO LIGHTS THAN 20 FRENCH DJ’S. THERE’S A SONG ON HERE CALLED “RICH NIGGAZ” THAT I WAS PRAYING WAS SOME THROW MONEY IN THE AIR BRAGGADOCIO SHIT BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE THIS NIGGA EXPOUNDING ON THE THEME OF “NIGGA I USED TO BE BROKE HERE’S SOME SHIT ABOUT ME COMPLAINING ABOUT SHIT” OVER A FUCKING HARP AND SOME RAINDROPS OR SOME SHIT. BEAT SOUNDS LIKE A NIGGA PLAYING A HARP WHILE DROPPING A BAKING SHEET ON THE FLOOR. “FORBIDDEN FRUIT” IS GREAT PARTLY BECAUSE NIGGA JACKED “ELECTRIC RELAXATION” AND ALSO KENDRICK IS ON THE SHIT AND HIS ROBOT ANDRE 3000 VOICE HAS GROWN ON ME. GUESS WHAT AMERICA? I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR TLC EVER AGAIN. LOL YO I JUST IMAGINED COLE IN THE STUDIO WITH TLC AND THEY WERE ALL WEARING THE OVERSIZED SILK PYJAMAS FROM THE “CREEP” VIDEO. HAHAHAHAHA… YO ONE TIME MY WIFE WAS DRUNK AND DRIVING TO GARDEN STATE PLAZA CUZ WE WERE IN JERSEY AND “WATERFALLS” CAME ON AND SHE STARTED DRIVING RECKLESSLY WHILE SINGING MAD LOUD WITH ALL THE WINDOWS DOWN. COOL ANECDOTAL STORY RIGHT? WHITE WOMEN ARE CRAZY.
THIS NIGGA GOT A SONG CALLED “LET NAS DOWN” LMAOOOOO “I CANT BELIEVE I LET NAS DOWN” WOW DUDER. WOW, THE COVER OF THIS SHIT IF IT WAS A SINGLE WOULD BE COLE’S HEAD PHOTOSHOPPED ON A KID SITTING ON SANTA’S LAP AND SANTA IS NAS.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR KWANZAA JERMAINE?”
“I DON’T DESERVE ANYTHING MANE”
“WHY NOT? KWANZAA IS A TIME OF JOY AND CANDLES”
“I LET YOU DOWN NAS”
THEN THEY MAKE OUT FURIOUSLY. PAUSE.
THERE’S A DUDE NAMED JAMES FAUNTLEROY ON THIS SHIT AND THE ONLY REASON I’M MENTIONING THAT IS BECAUSE THATS THE FANCIEST NAME ON THE ALBUM. HE SOUNDS LIKE A COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE AGENT.
I GIVE THIS SHIT 3.43333333333 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5. THIS IS AN OK ALBUM. I’M NOT A HUGE COLE FAN BUT IF YOU FUCK WITH DUDE YOU’LL FUCK WITH THIS. THE PRODUCTION IS TIGHT AND THE NIGGA IS RAPPING AT AN ACCEPTABLE LEVEL.
STANDOUT TRACK: “LAND OF THE SNAKES” AND “FORBIDDEN FRUIT” ARE MY FAVORITE JOINTS MAYBE BECAUSE THEY JACKED BEATS OF JOINTS THAT I ALREADY ENJOY, BUT COLE DID THEM JUSTICE. WOW I JUST SAID THAT. I MUST BE IN A GREAT FUCKING MOOD.
The Kid Mero knows exactly how cole the world can be. He’s on Twitter – @THEKIDMERO
