Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.
-Role model to millions of potential juvenile delinquents and saviour of the snapback hat industry, Justin Bieber posted the above selfie on his Instagram account. You might think this is a racist caricature of a black man, but I happen to think that it’s just Justin expressing his affinity for the noble monkey. The crown says, “I’m the King of the Jungle.” The gold chain says, “I also have disposable income.” The red necktie says, “I’m fashion-forward, but also all business.” The tongue and googly eyes say, “I’m fucking high.”
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Justin’s caption on the photo read, “This is my escape.” At this point, I think we’d all like to escape a world with Justin Bieber in it. 6
-Miami Dolphins offensive lineman Richie Incognito isn’t just famous for being a talented football player or having a name that sounds like the world’s worst CIA alias anymore. Incognito was outed for using racially insensitive language to bully rookie teammate, Jonathan Martin in a voicemail message.
A clever YouTuber made a video where he reads the uncensored message:
No word on whether or not this was the first time Incognito offered to cum in a teammate’s mouth, or whether or not his semen tastes like pineapple. My guess for the first question is, “no,” and “probably” to the second.
Dolphins teammates are jumping to Incognito’s defence, claiming he is an “honourary black man.” I guess that means it’s OK that he uses the n-word in their minds. If Harvard University gave me an honourary medical degree, that doesn’t mean I can start going around doing open heart surgery, even if I’m really, really good at it. I mean, you guys should see me operate a chest spreader. I’m an artist. RACIST
-A billboard in notorious land of tolerance, Portland, Oregon was removed after citizens complained that the advertisement was racist. KXL-FM radio slapped the above sign up in Portland’s Chinatown neighbourhood, not realising that the area’s numerous Asian-American residents would potentially be offended by the reference to a quote from Stanley Kubrick’s Vietnam War drama, Full Metal Jacket. The line was spoken by a bedraggled Vietnamese prostitute eager to service American GIs just off the boat from the States. If that doesn’t get you to listen to their radio station, I don’t know what will. 9
The Most Racist Tweets of the Week: