It would be nice to know how to whip up braised short ribs with almondine rémoulade and country greens strained through champagne and drizzled with truffle oil, or something like that. But look deep inside yourself. Is that really tastier than a BLT? Or spaghetti? Or just fucking toast? What beats some toast and chocolate milk?
We asked the best chefs in the world to chill out and tell us how to make food that people actually eat.
Videos by VICE
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Sliced Bread Toppings
To prepare toast, get your toppings in order. Cold toast isn’t fit for a dog. When using butter, be sure it’s room temperature or at least not frozen.
Place bread in toaster. Adjust toaster setting to your preferred level of doneness—light, medium, or dark. Press start. With knife in hand and toppings no farther than an arm’s length away from the toaster, lurk. When toast pops up, top immediately. Eat. If multiple slices of toast are in order, before you dig into slice one, place slice two in the toaster. Eat and repeat as necessary.