NICOLE
Vice: Did O.J. do it?
Nicole: Like, wake me up in the morning?
What? No. Did he murder Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman?
Sure, he did it.
What’s your opinion on the whole Nancy Kerrigan ordeal? Should Tonya Harding have her legs broken?
It made me feel bad for Tonya. She’ll be remembered forever and ever as this girl with mall bangs. She had dreams and really wanted to win, and she’ll just be remembered as an evil woman.
RUSSELL
Are you more into East or West Coast rap?
Russell: East Coast, baby. Fuck Tupac!
Who’s your favorite member of the Wu-Tang Clan?
Method Man. He’s got the most original style.
How about Oasis? Are you more of a Liam or Noel guy?
They are all the biggest dicks on the planet. AGNES
True or false: Jim Carrey is the pinnacle of modern humor.
Agnes: No. He’s not funny. He’s just ridiculous. I don’t like him.
Are you excited for Woodstock ’94?
What is that?
Oh, it’s just the biggest music festival since the original Woodstock.
Then yes, I am.
BRETT
How do you feel about this new internet thing?
Brett: I love it.
Don’t you think it’s kind of boring?
No. I mean, there’s so much information. I wouldn’t be on it all the time, but it’s a great thing to communicate with people around the world. I love looking at other people’s photos. I think it’s great for research.
Apartheid is finally over in South Africa. Are you relieved?
I was never concerned about it, but it’s good that things are on the road to equality.
JUSTINE
It seems like a lot of girls and even some guys are getting their belly buttons pierced lately. Do you find it attractive?
Justine: No. [laughs] Funny story behind that. I got my belly button pierced and I let it close up a year after that except it never really closed. About three weeks ago I was bored one day and I pushed it through, so now I have it pierced again. I don’t like it. It’s ugly, but I think it’s funny.
The use and sale of GM foods has been approved. Are you worried about that?
No, not yet. I’m a veggie.
Would you identify as more of a fan of hip-hop or grunge music?
Neither… well, probably hip-hop.
RAYMOND
Would you say you’re more of a hip-hop or grunge person?
Raymond: Hip-hop, I guess.
That’s strange. Do you own any flannel shirts?
No, but I’ll tell you a secret: Sometimes to lose weight I’ll put on enough clothes to sweat off some pounds, especially when it’s hot outside. That’s why I always wear a hat, too—they also hold my headphones in place.
Have you ever thought about getting a tribal tattoo or a strange piercing?
No. I won’t do it. I’m afraid of, what do you call it… Once you get tattoos it goes through your system and skin and all that.
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DANIEL
Are you going to miss Jacqueline Kennedy now that she’s dead?
Daniel: I guess not.
Have you ever considered moving to Seattle to be closer to the birthplace of grunge?
Every day of my life.
Do you believe that Pamela Anderson is the hottest woman in the world right now?
[laughs] What about Tia Carrere? I think I’m going to go with Tia Carrere over Pamela Anderson.
AMY
Now that the Wonderbra is available in the US, do you think every single American woman should run out and buy one?
Amy: If it works for you, great. If it lifts and supports, excellent. Every woman needs a little lift.
Are you type of person who attends raves?
I haven’t been in a while but I used to.
Did you see Forrest Gump? What did you think?
Life is like a box of chocolates. RICARDO
Who’s your favorite Wu-Tang Clan member?
Ricardo: I’m not a rap guy at all. I don’t believe in hip-hop much. I’m South American—we don’t do that shit.
So you’re more of a grunge guy. Have you heard that “Spoonman” song?
Yeah. I like that skill with the spoon.
Do you agree with people who think Pamela Anderson is the hottest girl in the world?
No. She could have been, but then she fucked it up really bad. Way too pretentious. Less is more.
PETER
In your opinion, what’s the biggest difference between the 80s and 90s?
Peter: Pant legs.
Have you ever considered getting a tribal tattoo?
Hell no. That’s the worst shit ever. I kind of lose respect for a person if they have one of those things. I do have one tattoo that says, “No Way Back.” That says it all.
Sure does. How about a piercing in an unusual place?
I don’t have any. Whatever sentiment it is trying to convey is one that I don’t want to express.
CHRISTIAN
Are you for or against the Zapatista Army in Mexico?
Christian: I’ll go with for. I know that metal band Brujeria are psyched on them.
How do you feel about NAFTA?
As long as I can get good chorizo around the corner, I’m for it.
Is there a solution to the genocide happening in Rwanda?
Maybe open some McDonald’s and give everyone air conditioners and Xanax. DOREEN
Why do you think there’s beef between East and West Coast rappers?
Doreen: It has always been that way and I think it always will be.
So far, how have the 90s differed from the 80s?
The 80s were the letdown of the rest of the century. The 90s brought out the highlight of the New Age.
Are you mourning the passing of Jackie Kennedy?
Sort of. After President Kennedy died, she stayed out of the limelight. I would see her once in a blue moon over in Central Park. I miss seeing her there.
STANLEY
The Hubble Telescope recently found evidence of black holes in the universe. Do you believe humanity is doomed?
Stanley: I think people are in trouble. Humans are in trouble, man. Still, I have to say, black hole, schlack mole.
Do you think Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley’s marriage will last forever?
I don’t think about it.
Do you think President Clinton is a womanizer?
I don’t have to. The truth doesn’t need permission. And I think his wife is a lesbian and he probably has a really nice dick. I would hope so. SHELLEY
How do you feel about Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley’s marriage?
Shelley: There are no words. It’s absurd. Pathetic.
Did you see them kiss on the VMAs? Do you think it was staged?
It was like when you’re ten and you make out with your hand to learn how to French kiss. It was horrible and one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever seen.
Who’s your favorite rapper?
Honestly, I think rap is all too easy. Anybody can do it. You did it when you were an infant: “Mommy, Daddy, give me candy.” It’s too simplistic. And it’s an out for people who can’t sing or do real music.
ALPIN
Has Richard Nixon’s passing affected you in any way?
Alpin: I thought he was a great president for one reason only—technology. Did his death affect me? No. But death is inevitable for everybody.
Did you hear that Schindler’s List won Best Picture at the Academy Awards? Wasn’t it too big of a bummer to be bestowed with such a prestigious honor?
I love Schindler’s List. I think it was a great movie. It deserved it. That movie was based on Hitler.
ROBIN
Vice: Let’s talk politics. Do you think the UK should become more involved in the EU?
Robin: No. We don’t want any “wrong ’uns” coming into our country.
OK, so no Johnny Foreigner for you. How do you think John Major is getting on with the whole running-the-country thing?
There is nothing wrong with John Major but it should have been Thatcher all the way.
You’re coming across as pretty right-of-centre here. What about Tony Blair and the rise of New Labour?
No way. Prick. He has a horrid smile that doesn’t fit his face, and he has a wife that you just know is nagging him all the time. He has a creepy paedophilic face.
KARIM
Vice: What do you think of the “internet”?
Karim: I don’t really know what that is, mate.
You know, the communication thing on computers. What do think it will bring to the world?
Computers are too big. They take up an entire room. Fuck them.
What do you see as the main difference between the 80s and the 90s?
When I think of the 80s I think of cocaine. When I think of the 90s I think of beer. The 80s was more fun. TOM
Vice: OK, some music questions. Are you an Oasis man or a Blur wet blanket?
Tom: Oasis all the way.
Annie Lennox or Simply Red?
I’m not mad about Annie Lennox. My mum has the Simply Red album, with Mick posing on the front. It’s awesome.
Will Kurt Cobain live forever?
Maybe. He’s done some good shit.
Who’s your favourite Wu-Tang Clan member?
RZA, for sure.
MIKEY
Vice: Do you think O.J. did it?
Mikey: He totally killed her. He ran away. I mean, he got away with murder, that’s amazing in a way, but it’s a shitty thing that he did.
What about Jacko marrying Lisa Marie Presley?
Total sham. They both needed the publicity.
How do you feel about the Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan fiasco?
I think it’s amazing. I remember seeing it on the TV, her knee was the size of a fucking suitcase and she did fucking backflips. I think she’s the shit. She deserves her face on that Weetabix box after that. BJORN
Vice: Are you looking forward to Glastonbury? Rage Against The Machine and the Beastie Boys are playing!
Bjorn: No. I’m looking forward to the Notting Hill Carnival, but I don’t know if that counts.
What’s been your favourite British film of the year so far?
Shallow Grave was shit. On a vacuous level, I could watch Hugh Grant all day, so Four Weddings and a Funeral. I’m not a poof or anything, though.
So is Hugh Grant the future of British acting or is he a poof?
No. Not at all. He can’t act to save his life, but he’s still fantastic. He supports Fulham, which is a bit of a problem and possibly makes him a poof.
PHILLIP
Vice: Have you been to any raves recently?
Phillip: Yeah. I do love my acid house, but I haven’t driven around looking for raves in fields for a good few years. It’s all gone a bit commerical now.
How does raving in the 90s compare to raving in the 80s?
Girls have become more attractive in the 90s, so that’s good. The parties are still good. I got my first pair of Clarks in the late 80s, and got a free copy of Duran Duran’s Notorious, so the 80s might be my defining period.
How pissed off are you that “Love is All Around” by Wet Wet Wet has been Number One for 15 weeks?
“I feeeel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes!” That one? I love it.
NEIL
Vice: Who are your favourite Britpop bands?
Neil: I like Elastica and this new band called Salad.
What do you think of girls wearing Wonderbras? Does it just lead to confusion and a gigantic let-down?
Yeah, from experience, that’s definitely the long and short of it.
Do you have a “PC”?
Yeah. I also have a modem and know how to use MS-DOS. I am basically a technological genius. You can’t stay in the dark ages, pal. SIOBHAN
Vice: Do you like house music or beery guitar music?
Siobhan: House all the way. I go to this club in London called the Mud Club, it’s really underground, and the guy that owns the club is always at the front door wearing a kaftan. It’s really cool but also kind of naff.
So no Britpop for you?
It’s OK. My friend and I met Oasis once when they were on The Word. We snuck into the VIP bar afterwards and went up to Liam and Noel and said, “I think you’re really good!” Noel just went, “Fuck off!”
How do you feel about the rise of “ladette culture”?
Me and my friends are into it. We drink pints and Jack Daniel’s and love hanging out in the pub.
DREW
Vice: Are you in love with the Spice Girls?
Drew: Yeah, they’re amazing. Totally in love with them all equally.
Fair enough. Piercings and tribal tattoos have become quite the craze. Do you have any?
Yeah, I had my left ear pierced at the age of seven. It didn’t really have anything to do with a craze, it was just what happened. I’m not sure about the tattoos, though.
Us neither. Who’s your favourite Friends character?
I don’t really know anything about Friends. Erm, the blonde one?
