HEY GUYS GOOD EVENING HOW ARE YOU DOING OH COOL THATS GREAT
YO LISTEN MAN THIS WEEK OR LAST WEEK IM NOT SURE WHICH ONE WAS FASHION WEEK IN NEW YORK WHICH MEANS ALOTTA NIGGAS THAT ARE DRESSED LIKE FUCKIN WEIRDOS ARE ROAMING THE STREETS OF MANHATTAN. “MERO THAT’S ALWAYS HAPPENING IN MANHATTAN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”
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I KNOW I KNOW BUT THE UPTICK IS NIGGAS DRESSED LIKE GOTHIC ASYMMETRICAL DYSTOPIAN FUTURE POETS IS LIKE 83% B. THERE IS A BOOM IN NIGGAS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY CAREFULLY PLAN TO LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE AND ITS A SERIOUS PROCESS. MY WIFES BIRTHDAY WAS YESTERDAY AND WE WENT ON A DINNER CRUISE THAT WAS POPULATED BY JAPANESE NIGGAS THAT WERE DRESSED LIKE THEY WERE KIDDING. THAT REMINDED ME TO SHOW YOU NIGGAS THESE PICTURES AND TALK ABOUT THEM.
SO BASICALLY WHAT I DID WAS GO HANG OUT IN FRONT OF MILK STUDIOS, (SHOUTOUT TO MILK STUDIOS) WITH NICK THE PHOTOGRAPHER (SHOUTOUT TO NICK) AND ASK NIGGAS “CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE?” (I ALSO WALKED ON THE “HIGH LINE” FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER WHICH HAD MORE TOURISTS ON IT THAN THE HOOKERS AT THE HOTEL BAR.) AND BEFORE THEY TOLD ME TO GO FUCK MYSELF I WAS LIKE “ITS FOR VICE” AND NIGGAS WAS LIKE “COOL!” MORE TALL WHITE WOMEN INITIATED CONVERSATION WITH ME THAN EVER IN MY WHOLE FUCKIN LIFE B EVEN MORE THAN WHEN I SOLD COCAINE. CRAZY. IM ABOUT TO JUST START GOING TO SHIT AND BE LIKE “HEY I’M FROM VICE”… WHO KNEW?
I GUESS THAT’S A LONG ENOUGH INTRO, I GOT 15 PICS FOR YOU THERES 15 MORE BUT NIGGAS BETTER LET ME INVOICE THIS SHIT IN 3 PARTS OR IMA BE TIGHT.
MAC GAY NIGGA
THIS WAS THE FIRST NIGGA WE PHOTOGRAPHED. HOMIE WAS QUEENING OUT TO THE FULLEST IN FRONT OF MILK SURROUNDED BY A GAGGLE OF FRUMPY WHITE BITCHES AND LITERALLY WAS LIKE *GASP* WAIT!!!!!!! BEFORE NICK SHOT HIM AND I WAS LIKE
“WHAT?”
“LET ME LET MY HAIR DOWN” *GIGGLE HAIR FLIP*
AND THEN LET DOWN THAT LUXURIOUS MANE THAT IM SURE SOME DUDE THAT IS NOT BEING HONEST WITH HIS FAMILY ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY WAS TUGGING ON LATER THAT EVENING. IF YOU STARE AT THIS PHOTO LONG ENOUGH THIS NIGGA STARTS VOGUEING DOWN THE STREET TO “FOLLOW ME.”
YELLOW PANTS BITCH
SHORTY TOLD ME SHE WAS A “STYLIST” OH YOU A STYLIST? SO THAT MEANS YOU STYLISH? (IM SORRY THAT SOUNDED LIKE A CAMRON RAP) IF YOU A STYLIST AND NIGGAS TRUST YOU WITH THEY PUBLIC CLOTHING CHOICES WHY YOU DRESSED LIKE ALLADIN GOING SKIING AT A FLEA MARKET? I SAW COPS AND HID IN THIS BITCH LEFT PANT LEG UNTIL THEY LEFT (I GOT WARRANTS)… WASNT REALLY FEELING SHORTIES LOOK BUT I LIKE THE IDEA OF WEARING 19 RINGS ON ONE FINGER (JUST KIDDING NO I DONT)
FRAIL FLANNEL ASIAN
MY GUY WHY DO YOU LOOK SO SERIOUS AND TERRIFIED AT THE SAME TIME? WHAT IS THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF YOUR NECK IN MILLIMETERS AND WHY IS IT NOT EVEN HALF THAT OF MY KNEE? WHY IS YOUR SHIRT 3 DIFFERENT SHIRTS? HOW MANY GRAMS DO YOU WEIGH? I HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS FOR THIS NIGGA THAT WENT UNANSWERED CUZ HE WAS FROM THE PART OF JAPAN THAT’S ACTUALLY ON MARS SO HE DIDNT EVEN SAY WORDS TO ME HE JUST GAVE ME A DEAD SERIOUS NOD OF AFFIRMATION WHEN I ASKED IF WE COULD PHOTOGRAPH HIM.
AUSTRALIANS ZED
YO JUST SO YOU GUYS KNOW THIS LOOK IS CALLED “AUSTRALIANS ON HOLIDAY” BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THESE TWO WINGDINGS ARE. THIS NIGGA IS BREAKING THE CARDINAL MERO RULE OF “NO FLIP FLOPS UNLESS YOU ARE 20 YARDS OR LESS AWAY FROM A BEACH OR YOUR COUCH” BUT IT’S WHATEVER. SHORTY NAME WAS “ZUSANNA” AND SHE WAS FUCKING -ADAMANT- ABOUT EXPLAINING TO ME HER NAME BEGAN WITH A Z. BUT SHE AINT SAY “MY NAME BEGINS WITH A Z” SHE WAS LIKE “MY NAME BEGINS WITH A ZED” WHICH LED TO A CONVERSATION DANE COOK WOULD PROLLY MAKE A VERY UNFUNNY 15 MINUTE SCREAMJOKE ABOUT. AT LEAST NOW I KNOW ZED IS AUSTRALIAN FOR “Z” HOMIE HAS ON SHADES SPECIALLY MADE FOR SUNBATHING ON NAKED EUROPEAN ROBOT BEACH.
GIRL WITH 3 SHIRTS
I FORGOT THIS LADY NAME SO I LABELED THE PICTURE “GIRL WITH 3 SHIRTS.” WHY YOU WEARING 3 SHIRTS MA? ARE YOU COLD? IT WAS FUCKIN 89 DEGREES OUT B. WHAT IS THIS LOOK CALLED? HIPPIE MAILMAN VAMPIRE? I FUCK WITH THE SANDALS THOUGH BECAUSE THEY REMIND ME OF NIGGAS FIGHTING TO THE DEATH IN THE ROMAN COLISEUM AND THATS SOME REAL SHIT. NIGGAS HAD TO FIGHT LIONS AND SHIT LIKE THAT SO ITS A GOOD REFERENCE. HER TOES IS OUT TOO WHICH IS NOT A BIG DEAL BUT YO JUST IMAGINE HOW FUCKING NUTS FOOT FETISH NIGGAS MUST GO IN THE SUMMER IN NYC? HOLY SHIT SHIT MUST BE TORTURE THERES FUCKIN FEET OF EVERY STRIPE JUST OUT EVERYWHERE.
EURO NOT EURO
I APPROACHED THIS GUY SPEAKING IN SLOW ASS SYLLABLES BECAUSE I WAS 2000% THE NIGGA WAS FROM SERBIROMANIA OR SOME SHIT. THIS NIGGAS WHOLE SWAG IS “EUROPEAN MALE MODEL THAT SMOKES MARLBORO LIGHTS AND HAS EXPERIMENTED WITH SAME SEX BJS” BUT I WAS WRONG HE’S SOME REGULAR ASS WHITE NIGGA FROM SOMEWHERE BORING I THINK FLORIDA OR SOME SHIT. WHATEVER. YOU’RE ALWAYS A EURO TO MEEEEE. *BILLY JOEL VOICE*
BURBERRY
YO THIS NIGGA IS DRESSED BY ACCIDENT THE WAY MOST OF THESE FASHION NIGGAS DRESS ON PURPOSE. DUDE HAD THE STRONGEST LOOK OF THE EVENING B. HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET SOMEBODY IS GONNA READ THIS AND PRINT THIS DUDE PHOTO? THEY GONNA RUN TO THEY STYLIST LIKE “OMFG CHANDLER YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS A THING!!!!” AND CHANDLER IS GONNA PEEK OVER HIS WEIRD SHAPED SUNGLASSES LIKE “WHAT A FUCKING AMAZING LOOK!!!” MEANWHILE THIS DUDE COULD CARE LESS WHAT HE WEARS HE PROBABLY SLEEPS IN A HOTDOG BUN.
THREE ASIANS
I HAD A PRETTY LONG CONVERSATION WITH THESE NIGGAS THAT I DON’T REMEMBER AT ALL CUZ I WAS ON WILD BENZOS I THINK I SAID THEY LOOK LIKE INDIE MAGICIANS… BUT! THEY LOOK LIKE A DJ DUO TRAVELING WITH A RANDOM RICH NIGGA THEY FOUND IN IBIZA THAT HAS REAL GOOD COKE. WHEN THEY WERE WALKING AWAY I WAS LIKE “AY WHERE YALL FROM?” AND THEY WERE LIKE “LA”… FUCKING DUH. YO QUESTION, DON’T LEATHER PANTS MAKE YOUR BALLS A FUCKING DISGUSTING MESS OF SWEATY DICK SKIN PUTTY?
DELIVERY GUY
THIS DUDE WAS LIKE “DONT TAKE MY PICTURE DONT TAKE MY PICTURE” LIKE ITS 1203 AND THE CAMERA WAS GONNA STEAL HIS SOUL. YOU’RE DELIVERING FOOD MY NIGGA RELAX. NO NEED TO BE EMBARRASSED. I USED TO WORK AT A BEAUTY SUPPLY STORE AND HAD TO LEARN ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RELAXERS AND EXPLAIN THE SHIT TO CUTE BLACK GIRLS WHILE THEY DU-RAG SPORTING BOYFRIEND SNEERED AT ME. THAT WAS EMBARRASSING. DELIVERING A SANDWICH TO SOME RICH WHITE NIGGAS IS NOT NEARLY AS BAD. WORK ON YOUR STANCE THOUGH MY GUY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF SHITTING IN YOUR PAMPER.
TURKISH PIMP
I TOLD NICK I WAS GONNA CALL THIS GUY “TURKISH DAD PIMP FROM UZBEKISTAN” CUZ THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE. EITHER THAT OR HE LOOKS LIKE THE GUY WHO WATCHES THE DOOR WHILE THE ITALIAN PRESIDENT GUY GOT A HANDY FROM AN UNDERAGE BRAZILIAN BITCH. THIS DUDE DID NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE US WHEN WE PHOTOGRAPHED HIM B. I THOUGHT THE NIGGA WAS HAVING A STROKE HE DID NOT MOVE A MUSCLE FOR A SOLID 20 MINUTES. (WE WATCHED HIM.) THE EUROPEAN DAD WHO HAS BEEN DIVORCED 17 YEARS VIBE IS VERY STRONG HERE.
PUSHY MOVIE GUY
YO THIS GUY WAS FUCKING ECSTATIC TO HAVE HIS PICTURE TAKEN EVEN THOUGH HE’S DRESSED LIKE MY GRANDMA DOING YARD WORK WITH HER CHURCH HAT ON. HE ALSO REGALED ME WITH TALES OF FASHION AND HOW MANY COCKS HE’S SUCKED… JUST KIDDING BUT HE DID COKEDREAM AT ME FOR 10 MINUTES ABOUT A MOVIE AND A BOOK AND SOME OTHER SHIT AND THEN FOR A SECOND I GOT TERRIFIED BECAUSE I WAS LIKE “OH SHIT WHAT IF I DONT SELL MY SHOW OR BOOK AND I END UP LIKE THIS DUDE RIDING A BEACH CRUISER OLD LESBIAN BIKE DOWN 15TH STREET DRESSED LIKE A TROPICAL MECHANIC?!” BUT THAT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN… RIGHT?
YOLO JEFF
THIS DUDE WAS ON THE HIGH LINE AND IS CLEARLY FROM NEW JERSEY OR SOME SHIT. I ALMOST KNOCKED DOWN AN OLD LADY TO GET A PHOTO FROM THIS NIGGA MAN. HE SAID HIS NAME WAS JEFF AND I RESPONDED TO ALL HIS QUESTIONS WITH “YOLO.” HOW OBVIOUS IS IT THAT YOURE GETTING DRESSED OUT OF THE “SHIT TYLER LEFT WHEN HE MOVED INTO HIS DORM” BAG? ITS PRETTY OBVIOUS. BUT HEY YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE MY NIGGA SO FUCKIN LIVE IT UP IN YOUR MALL KIOSK SHIRT B.
JAPAN ICE CREAM
LMFAO YO THIS GUY WAS FUCKING GREAT. I ASKED TO TAKE HIS PICTURE AND HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I ASKED TO EAT HIS ASS. THEN HE WAS LIKE “OHHHH OHHHH OK OK” THEN HE CHUCKED UP THE ANIME DEUCE AND NICK TOOK THE PICTURE. UNFORTUNATELY NICK DID NOT CATCH HIM WHEN HE HAD THAT FROZFRUIT BALLS DEEP IN HIS MOUTH. HOMIE’S OUTFIT IS ALSO EXTREMELY CONFUSING. NIGGA IS WEARING A SPEED SKATING SHIRT UNDER HIS PAJAMAS WITH HIKING BOOTS. ARE YOU CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN BECAUSE YOUR BED IS UP THERE? FUCK IS YOU DOING MY GUY? THERE’S STAIRS ON THE HIGH LINE YOU DON’T HAVE TO NAVIGATE THE NORTH FACE OF THE SHIT B.
JESUS
THIS DUDE ALMOST TOLD ME TO GO FUCK MYSELF AND EVEN WHEN I SAID I WAS FROM VICE HE STILL HAD THAT SAME FACIAL EXPRESSION ON BUT WHEN I SAID IT WAS FOR FASHION WEEK HE WENT INTO FULL POSE. NICE CHINOS MY PAL BUT AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO JUST BE WEARING A ROBE AND CARRYING A CROSS ON YOUR BACK? THIS GUY PROBABLY GETS MAD PUSSY THO HE HAS THAT “I FUCK ALOT OF MIDDLE AGED WHITE WOMEN” SWAG SHIT IS DRIPPING OUT HIS PORES. PAUSE. HIS DAUGHTER PROBABLY HATES HIM BECAUSE HE’S A SEX ADDICT.
KOREAN WEDDING
THIS KOREAN ROCKABILLY JERKOFF TOLD ME TO ADD “HASHTAG SOMETHING SOMETHING” TO THE CAPTION B. ARE YOU KIDDING? HE EVEN SAID IT LIKE “AT HASHTAG SOMETHING SOMETHING”… YOU LOOK LIKE THE BASS PLAYER IN A WEDDING BAND TAKING A BREAK AND ENJOYING A PARLIAMENT OUTSIDE. NIGGAS PAY ME TENS OF DOLLARS TO PROMO THEY SHIT BRUH ALSO DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TWITTER WORKS? AT HASHTAG? CMON MY PAL YOU OFF THE SHITS OR WHAT? NIGGA IS SUPREMELY CONFIDENT THO. LOOK AT HOMIE HIS WHOLE VIBE IS “IM FUCKIN KILLIN IT IMA TAKE A HUGE FUCKIN DRAG FROM THIS CIGARETTE TAKE THE PICTURE IMA LOOK OFF INTO THE DISTANCE.” IF HE WERE TO SAVE THIS SHIT HE’D SAVE IT AS “SWAGGER.JPG”
The Kid Mero never lets his toes see the light of day because he terrified of foot fetishists. Understandably. He’s on Twitter – @THEKIDMERO
