Something for everyone. Via
In this modern dating world, with apps that turn looking for potential partners into a experience akin to choosing the toppings you’d like on your frozen yoghurt, it’s easier than ever to be very picky about the people you’re willing to rub bits with.
For example, I may find it attractive if someone is into films; you may find it attractive if they are into death metal and the occult. I may find it attractive if a person works out; you may find it attractive if they are a 19-stone human flesh pillow. I may find it attractive if someone wears their hair to the left; you may find it attractive if they have dyed their hair the vibrant blue of a urinal cube.
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You see? We’re all into different people. And thank god, otherwise only like 1% of humans would ever get laid.
With that in mind, I decided to talk to a bunch of girls, of varying sexualities and locales, to get a better understanding of what we find hot when we’re looking for a sexual partner.
HANNAH, 24, WORKS AT VICE
VICE: Hi Hannah.
Hannah: Why do you always make me do stuff like this?
Because you have a lot to say about boys. So what’s your type?
Hannah: My physical type and who I actually end up sleeping with are two very different things. But not pretty guys, more “rough-looking” guys with some facial hair but definitely not a fucking beard. Personality-wise, they have to be clever so I’ll gain some knowledge from our interactions, but not more clever than me because I don’t like irritating public school guys who get a visible kick from imparting wisdom on women they perceive to be less intelligent than them. Being massively into music and film will also give me a massive lady boner.
What else turns you off?
Successful musicians. Struggling musicians. Tories. Anyone who likes to play or watch cricket as a legitimate sport. Anyone with more than a passing interest in football, or even worse, wrestling. Guys who eat meat, especially red meat, in front of me. Guys with an unhealthy diet or who can’t cook – what are you, 12? Still need mummy to make you dinners? Small feet. Gross teeth. Bitten nails. Long nails. Bucket hats. Coloured trousers. V-necks. Posh accents. Grating American accents. Bitchy guys. Quiet guys. Overly loud guys. Posh guys. If there is anyone left reading who these do not apply to then, hello, it’s me your dream girl.
What are the weirdest things you find hot?
I’ve always taken a liking to big guys and I don’t mean muscly, I mean slightly overweight. Not morbidly obese. Dad bod plus some.
What do you like with sex stuff?
If a guy is really uptight about little things like getting a finger in a butthole then they are not for me. They have to be quite easy with doing everything and want to get weird. They have to like foreplay. And at the very least be happy to have a discussion about sex.
Who are the most unlikely celebrities you fancy?
This is not unlikely if you are actually know me IRL but Jack Black and Seth Rogen. But not Jonah Hill. Do you see the subtle line there?
What about social media? Can guys win your heart on Instagram?
If I go on your Instagram and there are selfies then you will not touch me. Double standards massively at work there but I don’t care. If I go on your Twitter and you’re subtweeting anyone, you’re a manchild. However, if you follow me then we’re all good.
Do nice guys finish last?
No, because with age, girls increasingly like guys who are not utter dickheads. Ergo they will eventually win the race as long as they are good in bed.
SOPHIE, 23, UNDERWEAR ENTREPRENEUR
VICE: Hi Sophie. So I guess let’s start at the beginning. What’s your type?
Sophie: There’s very little continuity between any of my exes so I guess I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I’m quite tall though, so ideally my type is over 6ft, but most of these men seem to have already been claimed by my 5ft 2in sisters.
What are the weirdest things you find hot?
If someone was quite a weird child, they tend to be a great date.
And what are big turn-offs?
Men who claim to be good at head; actually, men who claim in general to be good in bed. I try and avoid members of the police, the right wing, finance industry or any armed forces; and also bloggers and DJs. Also, men who seem to frankly hate women, especially guys from Tinder who start spewing vitriolic shit about what’s wrong with the girls they meet five minutes after you met at Peckham Rye for a drink. Not a fan of men that blast the most misogynistic music in their cars and aggressively rap the lyrics in your face. Stop shouting “fuck dat bitch” in my face please?
What do you like with sex stuff?
I like a man to know what they’re doing and to take charge. Firm but gentle. Always be respectful, never pushy, and communicate. Also huge dicks, in my experience, tend to be attached to huge dicks who have no idea what to do with them.
OK, give us some examples. Which celebrities do you fancy?
The only celebrities I fancy are guys I would be terrified to talk to in real life – the more serious criminal charges, babymamas and gold teeth, the better. Lil Durk, Future, Migos, Thugger, Fetty, etc. On the other end of the spectrum, I probably wouldn’t say no to Hugh Grant, despite our 30-year age gap. In my head, these men seem uncontroversial, but whenever I share these views, people recoil.
What about social media? Would you ever bone a guy based on his Instagram?
The ideal scenario is dating someone who has no social media or at the very least isn’t properly using Twitter. But at the same time, I think the DM slide is a normal part of dating and relationships now. A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend of five years so he was really out the loop on how single life has changed. He could not believe that I was suggesting he DM the girls he followed on Instagram.
Do nice guys finish last?
No, definitely not. The men that finish last are the self-proclaimed “nice guys”, the men who claim to be nothing like all other men, consistently proclaiming to be “not that guy”. If you hear that shit, RUN.
PLOY, 18, STUDENT
In terms of physical appearance, what attracts you to a man?
Higher than me. That’s enough. I’m 160cm. I guess not obese and not super-skinny, like I could break your bones or something. I don’t like really weak guys.
What’s your favourite part of the male body?
Eyes. I like blue eyes, but it doesn’t matter if you have blue eyes. I think eyes show everything. Like emotions when you speak.
What are your thoughts on men and hair?
I don’t like hairy people. A bit of arm hair is fine, but not like over the chest.
Is there anything that puts you off a man?
High ego, or arrogance. When they’re really full of themselves, and try to show off all the time. I really like people who are a bit humble, and easy going.
What are your feelings towards men uploading selfies?
I don’t really like guys doing that. It feels a bit weird. It feels they’re like so proud of themselves? I don’t really like that. If you post photos of food and places, it’s fine. But not, like, your body, abs or selfies all the time.
Any thing else that’s important?
Just be a good person and don’t cheat. Please don’t cheat.
RACHEL, 22, SOPRANO
Do you have a type when it comes to women?
Dark hair probably? A couple of my exes definitely had dark, long, flowy, luscious-ey hair. And also a little bit alternative, kind of Dita Von Teese.
What about height and body shape?
I’d say in terms of height, I’m not really that fussed. It’s more on just the person I suppose. I like someone with curves. I don’t really know how to describe that other than curvy?
What do you think of a person’s social media aesthetic? Is a well-curated Instagram important these days?
With what I do, it’s quite important to be on social media. It’s nice to see someone in touch with it. If someone’s really happy with a selfie they put on there, and it gets a lot of likes, I think good for them because they feel good about it.
Do you learn a lot about a person from their social media profile?
Probably. Especially if it’s a kind of friend of a friend who you see on Facebook or something before meeting them as a person. You kind of already have an idea of what they’re gonna look like before you meet them.
What if they do cringe hashtags like #gymprogress or #aboutlastnight?
It would put me off a little bit. That whole thing has become a bit excessive.
What about sex?
It comes down to confidence. If you can take control of the situation, I think that’s really hot. Someone who definitely knows what they’re doing. But in some situations, it can be good if you can teach them a thing or two. I’m quite a sexual person – I find that you can gauge how someone’s gonna be even before it gets to the bedroom.
How?
Eye contact. Definitely, holding eye contact. Dirty talk used to be something that I would do when I was younger, if we’re in a public place or something. But I enjoy more subtlety now that I’m older.
How do you feel about body hair?
Again, that’s something that’s changed from when I was younger. I used to kind of be like “everything gone, don’t want it”. Whereas now, if it’s well looked-after and not unruly, it’s absolutely fine. The in-between stage can be a bit painful.
You said you’re bisexual. Do you look for different things in a man?
Well my first boyfriend was quite weak, and I’m not about that any more. I like if someone’s athletic, and knows how to look after themselves. Taller than me too. I don’t know why it’s different to women? It just is. I used to be into the more edgy look but as I’m getting older, I think someone who looks well put-together, a bit more clean cut.
What do you find unattractive in men?
Not massively into body hair. Receding hairline would probably be one.
What about attitude? Are you partial to a bit of a twat?
That’s a turn-off for me. It’s the same with women. If someone’s got good banter, that’s good, but you have to know where the line is. Flirty banter’s good, but if someone’s just being a bit of a dick, then you don’t know when to take them seriously.
SARAH, 19, STUDENT
VICE: You describe yourself as pansexual. What initially attracts you to someone?
Sarah: For me, women and men are both people. Obviously they are different genders, but they’re both the same person. I go for the traits in people, as opposed to this sex and that sex. If I had a coffee date with a man or a woman, it would be the same things I look for: the humour, the kindness, the good conversation, a level of intelligence, face, a good smile, nice inviting eyes and a good haircut.
But are there looks you avoid?
With men, I don’t mind them skinny or really fit. As long as they’re taller, and owning what they got. Taller than me, definitely. I quite like wearing heels, I don’t like looking down on people.
What kind of style do you find attractive with women?
Probably more of a masculine sense. Just because I think for me, there’s a fine line between attraction and jealousy, which probably happens a lot with women and women. If they were maybe to dress better than I do, or look better in my clothes, I could perhaps edge on jealousy as opposed to attraction? As I scroll through Instagram, I don’t find every model that I pass super attractive. I probably more want their body or their clothes.
What’s your favourite part of the female body?
I quite like upper backs. I think you can tell a lot about of person’s strength in their back. A bit of a toned back usually means they’re toned all over which is quite nice.
Can you tell if you’ll fancy someone from their social media?
Yeah, definitely. The things I’ve put up are things that I want people to see, me as a person. If it’s a picture, its gonna be a good picture not one of the “you opened SnapChat and it’s the front-facing camera” ones. I think people try and use it to define themselves.
In terms of sexual attraction, what do you like?
Ear-biting and kissing collarbones.
What have your experiences with men and women taught you about sex?
With women, for me, it was less intimidating because I kind of knew what was what. With men, you don’t know what you’re doing that much unless you have someone, like a confident partner, who can tell you what’s good or whatever.
EVE, 24, WORKS IN FASHION
VICE: What do you find physically attractive?
Eve: My boyfriend is probably more on the muscular side. I’m working off what he’s got. He’s ginger, I do quite like redheads.
Have you previously dated men with red hair?
No, he’s my first boyfriend. Eight years.
OK, so I guess we’re really focusing on him. Do you have an age preference?
My boyfriend’s the same age as me. But if I weren’t to be with him, I’d probably go for someone a bit older. Be a bit more mature. But it would depend on personality, really.
What kind of fashion sense do you like a man to have?
They’ve gotta have something about them, cos I work in fashion. Something a bit quirky, but their own personal style. As long as they know what that is, and know how to work it.
Do you find any particular interests attractive?
I’d say completely polar opposites. Opposites attract. My boyfriend is in politics, so we’ve got a lot to talk about.
What do you find unattractive in men?
Those who are too narcissistic. If they’re a bit too scabby and not really taking care of themselves. No confidence, as I like them being able to talk openly about their interests and stick to their opinions.
What do you find sexually attractive?
I prefer something that’s a bit more unexpected. If you’re gonna do something, take charge of it and go for it. If it’s not right, then I’d probably be quite vocal to let you know it wasn’t: “Don’t put your hands there, put your hands there,” that kind of thing. Just see what happens in the moment. I don’t think the number of people you’ve slept with relates to confidence. Having sex with lots of people isn’t gonna make you necessarily good at it. It could be quite the opposite. And I don’t think size matters. But I’ve only got one thing to compare it to and I’m quite happy with that.
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